A PostSecret Collection
by ThatFilmStudent
Summary: A collection of stories inspired by secrets from PostSecret. Features both romantic and platonic relationship fics. 10 one shots, some AUs; the information is inside. All stories can be read alone. Remus/Sirius, James/Lily. 1st chapter is full summary. T for themes. 'You are completely remarkable.' (Jily chapter up).
1. Information

**A PostSecret Collection  
Written: 20.01.17 – 29.01.17**

 **DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the characters or secrets referenced in the following chapters. Nor do I own any of the books, television shows, franchises, films, songs, bands, quotes or other notable products mentioned. No profits are made from these pieces of work.**

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All of the stories in the following list are open for interpretation and are posted in this order. It is up to you, the reader, whether they are AU or not; but some of them are definitely AU.

 **1 – Wasting time with you has been the biggest joy in my life.**  
James/Lily with baby Harry. Post-Hogwarts.

 **2 – My boyfriend hides me from his parents. We live together and every time his parents come by, he hides all of my stuff.** _  
_Remus/Sirius, background James/Lily. Post-Hogwarts.

 **3 – I didn't think help would come in the form of a person, but there you were.**  
Remus/Sirius. Set in their seventh year at Hogwarts.

 **4 – He was never that into me, but I let him fake it for over a year!**  
Past Emmeline/Remus, Remus/Sirius. Set in their seventh year at Hogwarts.

 **5 – You think I'm reading your mind... but really, I'm just reading your blog.  
** James/Lily. Modern Day AU, Non-Magical AU.

 **6 – I don't know what I want but I don't want this...**  
Remus/Sirius, mentions of Sirius/MaleOC.

 **7 – I wish that just for one day, everyone would say** **exactly** **what they wanted to say.  
** Remus/Sirius, background James/Lily.

 **8 – You are completely remarkable.  
** James/Lily. Set in their seventh year at Hogwarts.

 **9 – I don't want to be alone anymore.  
** James and Sirius friendship, background James/Lily, background Remus/Sirius.

 **10 – I feel like we're standing on the edge of something big. Take a leap of faith with me.  
** Remus/Sirius. Raising Harry AU.

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 **Extra Note: This entire section can be skipped. It is written for my piece of mind only, but do feel free to read if you'd like.**

First off, the following stories were all written by me but I do not own any of the anonymous secrets that inspired them. As far as anyone is concerned, no one owns them. But if anyone does own them, then it is Frank Warren and PostSecret. (So this is an extra Disclaimer, just in case.)

Secondly, PostSecret is an amazing online blog that started out as an art experiment and grew into something else entirely. If I was American or if I lived in the United States, I would go to the public shows. But I'm not and I don't, therefore I can't. Still, I tune in every Sunday for the blog's updates and to see the new posted secrets.

Thirdly, the following stories are just the ideas I got from the words I read. The secrets themselves are open for interpretation and are not to be judged harshly. I highly recommend visiting the site or searching the internet for images.

Finally, some of these stories will be posted separately as well as in this collection – meaning that my personal favourites will be posted as their own individual stories. It is worth reading the other stories in this collection because, although they may not be my favourite, you may like them.

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 **Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy this collection!**


	2. Wasting Time

**Wasting time with you has been the biggest joy in my life. – 20.01.17**

Emerald green eyes gazed down lovingly at the small boy sleeping peacefully in her lap. Raven hair stuck out in tufts and his eyelids flickered in his slumber, a sign that he was having a movement-filled dream. The thought made Lily smile as she brushed his hair absentmindedly. At just one year old, Harry was already on the move all of the time. He was, in her opinion, already exhibiting signs of mischievousness and Marauderly-like traits.

It seemed as though the toddler had a limitless, unbounded amount of energy; to say he was hyperactive would be an understatement, she knew. He had more energy than James and Sirius combined! Sometimes, she couldn't keep up with him and by the end of the day, she and James were too worn out to even talk, never mind kiss and do the usual married-couple stuff.

Some days, Lily compared Harry to Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde because one moment he would be all giggles and smiles, and the next he was tantrums and tears. Those were particularly tiring days but she knew that it was what came with kids.

As she looked down at the miniature copy of her husband in her arms, she couldn't help but smile. Yes, he was tiring; and, yes, he was overly hyperactive. But she wouldn't change him for the world because he was a part of her and James and to her, he was perfect.

In his sleep, Harry looked so peaceful; it was just trying to get him to sleep that was the problem. Over the recent months, Harry had been having trouble getting to sleep. Neither Lily nor James could understand why. They had even called the doctor to ask if it was something about their environment – having just moved into a new house – but Dr. Mishreki had assured them that it probably wasn't that and that it was just a natural thing toddlers went through.

Lily hadn't one hundred percent trusted the doctor's advice so she had tried staying at her mother's for a couple of nights but it hadn't helped. Harry had still been restless. After that, she had decided it was possibly because she and James rarely saw him nowadays.

Either Lily was always at work at the hospital or James was at the Auror's office, working late-night cases with Sirius. When Harry had turned one, Lily and James had decided it was time she go back to work. But, with that decision, they'd had to enrol Harry in nursery. Since the Weasley's ran a cheap childcare phrontistery, they had been taking care of Harry during the week while she and James were at work.

Then, on the weekends, either Lily or James were off work and able to spend time with him. But it was rare that they all spent time together as a **family** and Lily wondered if Harry's recent insomnia was a reaction to that. So, she and James had decided it was time for a change. They had made it a mandatory thing that they spend at least seven days of the month as a family. That meant putting in holidays now and again.

Usually, on those days, they did something: went swimming or out for a meal; to the farm or a zoo; sometimes even just to the local children's play park. Once, they had even gone to an aquatics centre. Regardless of the activity, they always did something or went somewhere. But, that day, they didn't do anything.

The Potter's had decided to have a lazy Sunday. Or rather, they had decided not to plan anything. They hadn't really left the house or had any visitors all day. The only time any of them had left the house was when James and Harry had ventured into the garden to take out and bring in the washing that was hanging up on the line; and, at one point earlier that morning, Sirius had floo-called to discuss a case. Other than those incidents, there had been no leaving the house and no physical visitors all day.

The whole day, in Lily's opinion, had been brilliant. It had been one of the best days of her life, she reckoned – and that was saying something. That lazy September Sunday had been more brilliant than any of the days they had planned. It had been relaxing and unplanned and delightful. In fact, it had been so relaxed that James and Harry hadn't even changed out of their pyjamas. Lily had, though. She couldn't stay in her PJs for too long; it always reminded her of when she was a child or whenever she was ill.

Lily and James's day had started late; well, relatively late. They had woken up at 8:30AM which was late for them considering they were usually woken up at around 6AM by alarm clocks or Harry. Once they had climbed out of bed – at around 9AM, after a blissful married-person snogging session – they had found Harry playing pleasantly in his room with his toy toolset that Lily's mum had bought him for his recent birthday.

They had spent the Sunday morning doing **nothing**. Lily, if she was honest with herself, couldn't actually remember what they did. All she could remember was that they had played with Harry and ate snacks. Once 1PM rolled around, Lily and James had decided a tidy-up was in order as it seemed that Hurricane Harry had hurtled through their living room and kitchen.

After James and Harry had brought in the washing, they had gone into the living room to play and watch a film, leaving Lily to do the dishes and give the kitchen a complete and thorough deep clean.

She hadn't been able to do a deep clean in weeks – always being at work or having a one year old toddling around and trying to drink her cleaning products. She preferred to clean the Muggle way rather than with magic; it just felt cleaner that way. James always called her strange for enjoying tidying the Muggle way but she knew that secretly, he found it endearing.

Her cleaning had taken up an hour or so of her day and when she eventually finished, she had settled down in the living room to watch James and Harry play. Most of the afternoon had been dedicated to playtime and eating sugary snacks while watching Sunday TV in the background. Throughout the day, neither Lily nor James had made any proper food. All day they had eaten crisps or biscuits, and they had drank either juice or coffee/tea (only James and Lily had drank the caffeine-filled beverages).

When it reached 5:30PM, the day was almost over and it was nearly Harry's bedtime. So, Lily had ordered them some food from the Fish&Chip shop before she and James had bathed Harry, playing with the bubbles in the bath and making the young boy giggle sweetly. The food had arrived shortly after Harry had been dressed in some fresh pyjamas, and they had eaten in the living room, watching _The Wizard of Oz_ (1939) while they ate. Soon after dinner, around halfway through the film, Harry had fallen asleep in Lily's lap while she and James watched the film.

Lily sighed contentedly to herself as she pulled Harry closer to herself unconsciously. The film was nearing its end but she didn't much care. They had only put the film on because it had been on the films channel when they had sat down. It wasn't her favourite film but she knew that James secretly ( **massively** ) enjoyed the classic.

As Harry snuggled further into her embrace, she shuffled closer into James' side and rested against her husband (and soulmate, though Sirius would contest to that, she thought amusedly). The strong arm that was rested around her shoulders moved slightly to pull her in closer and James began playing mindlessly with her red hair.

Lily closed her eyes and smiled, enjoying the feel of James' hands carding through her hair. She had always loved it when people played with her hair. It was therapeutic, she thought, and she often felt extremely lucky to have married someone that loved to play with her hair.

"You all right, Lily?"

Lily opened her eyes slowly and caught the hazel gaze of her Gryffindor. James was looking at her with such love and adoration (the way he usually looked at her) that it made her smile even wider as she nodded faintly.

"You sure?" he whispered, his hazel eyes concentrated on her.

Lily just smiled back and nodded again before she looked down at Harry and brushed his hair gently with her fingernails. "I just realised something," she whispered back, mindful of Harry going off to sleep easily and not wanting to wake him up with their chatter.

She felt James nod. "Ahuh…" he said. "And, what did you realise?"

Lily looked back at him. "I realised that…" She hesitated for a moment before ploughing on. "Wasting time with you has been the biggest joy in my life."

James frowned, obviously confused. "Thank you…?"

Lily giggled under her breath. "It's a compliment, trust me," she said before leaning up to kiss him. He kissed her back and they sat there for a moment, just kissing. Just sitting there with lips on lips as _The Wizard of Oz_ played in the background and Harry lay in her lap asleep.

She pulled back after a moment, smiling as James seemed to look a little dazed – as he always did after they kissed (even after years of being together and actually getting married) – before she rested back against his shoulder and watched the rest of the film.

Lily allowed another sigh of contentment to slip out as she felt his fingers return to carding through her straight locks. At one point in time, Lily would have called it a wasted day; them not having done anything and spent the whole day in the house cut off from the world. But, right now, Lily couldn't help but feel that it had been one of the best days of her life. Sure, that day had been thoroughly wasted but Lily decided that she wouldn't have changed it for the world.

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 **Thank you for reading! =) Hope you enjoyed it!**


	3. One Confession

**My boyfriend hides me from his parents. We live together & every time his parents come by he hides all of my stuff. – 21.01.17**

Sirius awoke to the delightful (and that was only half sarcastic) sounds of scuffling and banging kitchenware in the next room. He smiled to himself, revelling in the fact that the person in the next room could only be one person: Remus Lupin.

Sometimes Sirius still couldn't believe it. He had actually managed to snag Remus Lupin, the aloof and boundlessly caring werewolf. He had managed to get Remus – a man that had once been very against relationships and was dry-witted, patient, hilarious and gorgeous; and he was all Sirius'. What was even better than that, though, was that Sirius had not only mastered the impossible in getting him, but he had also managed to convince said werewolf to **live** with him. In their own flat.

In fact, he and Remus had been living in their own flat together for the past five months, and Sirius had found those five months to be absolute domestic bliss. Never before had he thought he would be happy to (or actually **want** to) go home. Not until he met Remus Lupin, that is. When he met Remus, his life changed for the better, and now he found himself in a serious relationship and living with someone he loved more than life itself. He and Remus had been living in their own haven and Sirius had never felt so safe and loved before.

When he was younger, he hadn't ever thought he would be able to be happy or settle down. He'd thought that his family had shattered him beyond repair; he was sure that the Black family had ruined him too much for him to be capable of having a normal, functioning relationship. But he had been wrong, and although his relationship with Remus wasn't **normal** per se, it was functioning and it was, in his opinion, perfect.

It was perfect because they were perfect for each other. They understood each other, listened to each other and never, ever lied or kept secrets from one another. Their love was mutual, limitless and seemingly unbreakable. They had already been through things that would be enough to break up any normal couple but it hadn't broken them. They had supported each other and gotten through it all. Together. Their love was infinite and the trust that they had built up with each other was equally as immeasurable; shatterproof and long-lasting.

To Sirius, their relationship was perfect because it didn't matter if they fought, they always came back to each other. Every morning Sirius woke up, it was Remus' face he wanted to see, and at the end of the day, he was always happy to go home and see Remus there. Even after arguments, all he wanted to do was to go home and see Remus. Sirius realised that his first thought was always of Remus, as was his last. He often wondered whether he should tell Remus that particular fact.

A loud clatter from the direction of the kitchen brought Sirius' attention back to the present and he smiled to himself as he listened to the muffled swear words mumbled by Remus that came through the walls. The swearing stopped and Sirius finally opened his eyes to look in the general direction of the door. It was shut and Sirius wondered what Remus was doing.

As he listened, he stretched out and came to the conclusion that those sounds meant one of three things: one, Remus was cooking him breakfast (which was sweet but Remus was a terrible cook compared to him; he appreciated the thought, though); two, Remus was tidying up as he was wont to do; or three, they had visitors – either friends or family (the Lupin's or the Potter's) – coming over and Remus was tidying for that.

Sirius groaned to himself, hoping and praying to any deity listening that they didn't have visitors coming over. He wanted to spend the day with Remus. **Alone**. It was the first day in more than three weeks that **both** of them had a whole day off at the same time and when Sirius had learned of this fact, he had decided to plan it out.

First, they wake up (together, preferably) and have breakfast, then they have sex (possibly in the shower, he hadn't thought that far ahead yet). Then they go out – food shopping or into Town to do some general shopping – and get some food. Then they get back to the flat, have sex, order in some food, have sex again, eat the food and watch some TV, and then have sex a few more times before falling asleep in each other's arms. It was all planned out.

He lay in bed for another moment, listening to the shuffling and bangs of cutlery, before he decided to get up and ask Remus if his plans were about to go up in flames. He tumbled out of bed, pulled on some fresh boxers – though, he tactfully wore only those, making sure to leave his chest and legs bare in hopes of being able to convince Remus to cancel any visitors – and quickly made his way to the bathroom.

He took a power-piss and brushed his teeth, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes as he did so. He flexed in front of the mirror, admiring himself before he messed his hair up to that just-shagged look that he knew Remus enjoyed, and smiled satisfactorily at his own reflection. He felt ready to seduce his werewolf. With one last confident nod to himself, he left the bathroom and made his way to the kitchen.

On his way to the kitchen, he smelled no burnt bacon or cooking eggs so he assumed option one was out of the window. He still had option two, he thought optimistically. He walked through the living room, noting how inscrutably tidy it was and how different it looked. Most of his items had been tucked away or hidden from sight, he noticed with a frown.

He continued on his journey to kitchen where he found Remus – fully dressed in his jumper with his sleeves rolled up his forearms (most likely from doing the dishes, Sirius thought) and clad in his worn jeans that clung to him in all of the right places – going through the food cupboards, snapping the doors open and shut.

Sirius glanced at the sink to find dishes drying on the drainer and the sink still filled with half-soapy water. He looked back to Remus and leaned against the doorframe, enjoying the view unabashedly.

He had always liked to admire Remus; even in school, before they had gotten together. In all truthfulness, he didn't really care what Remus was doing. It didn't matter if Remus was reading, writing, drawing, cleaning or even just sitting; to Sirius, watching Remus in his natural state was fascinating. It was one of his favourite pastimes. He just loved to watch natural Remus – the unguarded, unconscious movements of the other man.

Remus turned around, then, and saw Sirius standing in the doorway. The werewolf didn't seem shocked to see him, Sirius realised, and he wondered if maybe Remus had known he was there the whole time.

"Padfoot," Remus said. "What are you doing? How long have you been standing there?"

Or maybe not, Sirius thought.

He shrugged and looked at Remus, feeling that all-familiar hard thump in his chest. Sometimes, when he looked at Remus, it felt as though his ribcage was going to burst like in that science fiction film they went to see the other month. He didn't know why but it did. And it hurt. Looking at Remus hurt, but Sirius found that he didn't mind it. Not one bit.

In fact, he realised he rather enjoyed the pain; craved it like a drug. He loved the pain because Remus caused it and he knew that it only meant good things that his heart pounded faster and his chest felt fit to explode whenever he saw the other man.

"Okay," Remus said, looking a little self-conscious as he moved his hands in front of himself. Sirius realised that it was probably because of his continuous staring and lack of words. He was aware it was unnerving but he couldn't help but stare at Remus. "Um… Did you want something?"

Sirius smiled, in what he hoped was a non-threatening way, and shook his head lightly. "What are you doing?" he asked, his vocal chords deciding to join him.

Remus stared at Sirius for a moment, his eyes trailed up and down the other man, before he moved back to his task, searching through and sorting the cupboards. Sirius noticed that Remus seemed more at ease now that he had spoken.

"Mum's coming around," Remus answered.

Sirius closed his eyes and lightly banged his head against the wooden doorframe, inwardly cursing. Option three it was, apparently. He sighed realising that, not only were his plans well and truly obliterated, but also he wouldn't be able to spend the day with Remus at all. If the Lupin's were going around to **their** flat, he wouldn't even be allowed in for fear of them finding out. Suddenly the lack of his belongings on display made sense.

It wasn't that the Lupin's didn't like Sirius. And it definitely wasn't that Sirius didn't like the Lupin's. In fact, he would go so far as to say he loved the Lupin family. Hope had always treated him kindly – being a Muggle and not knowing of his family or how influential they were in the Wizarding world – and Lyall, despite knowing his family, had always treated him like Remus' other friends: with respect.

He just couldn't be in the flat because, when they had moved in to the new flat together five months earlier, Remus hadn't told his parents that Sirius would be living there as well. Or that they would be sleeping in the same bed.

In short, Remus had yet to tell his parents of their relationship. Or even his sexual preferences which, admittedly, Sirius wasn't even sure of.

While Sirius was gay and proud, Remus had expressed his continued interest in females as well as the male sector. Luckily for Sirius, he didn't have to be worried about Remus not really being interested in men as the werewolf had continuously shown Sirius his interest in the male form. Sirius didn't know what those people were called – the people who enjoyed everything – but he reckoned that was what Remus was. He didn't mind as long as Remus continued to be faithful to him.

"Ah… Right," he replied finally.

"Exactly," Remus murmured as he picked up a tea towel and began drying the dishes before placing them in their section in the cupboard.

Sirius looked around the kitchen. "So, why are you hiding all of my stuff?" he asked, despite knowing exactly why Remus was hiding any traces of him.

Remus momentarily paused in his dish drying. "Because they don't know we're together?" he said, eyes still on the plate he was drying. "I think my mum'll find it suspicious that I'm living in a one bedroom apartment with my very male mate. Don't you?"

Sirius shrugged, not for the first time feeling like a shameful secret. He straightened up and ventured into the kitchen, walking closer to Remus as he spoke. "Moony, I've been thinking about that," he said carefully.

Remus sighed and put the plate down on the kitchen counter. "Pads, please. Lets not have that discussion again."

Sirius continued and put his arms on either side of Remus, effectively boxing the werewolf in so he couldn't escape the conversation again. "Sorry, Moony. But we need to."

Remus shook his head, his eyes still downcast. "No we don't," he said, half-heartedly trying to get out of Sirius' loose cage.

"Look," Sirius began. "I understand. I do, honestly." He paused and looked at his partner of over two years. "Remus, look at me." Remus, upon hearing his name, did; Sirius' slate grey eyes caught Remus' hazel-amber and held them. "I understand," he repeated. "I understand that you're worried about what they'll think. You're close, I know that."

He paused for a second, deliberating his next sentence. "But at the same time, I don't understand. I don't understand why you can't tell them. They love you; they want you to be happy." In a moment of not-so-uncharacteristic insecurity, Sirius asked, "You are, aren't you?"

"Yes," Remus answered immediately. "Of course I am."

Sirius nodded, believing Remus. "Good. But, then, I don't know why you won't tell them. I mean, everyone else knows. Everyone accepts it and support us. Even the Potter's know, and they aren't my biological family. Everyone knows except for your mum and dad. They'd be fine with it, and you know they would. So, I don't know why you won't tell them."

Remus stared at him for a long moment, worrying his lip. "I just can't. Not yet…" he replied regretfully.

Sirius huffed and stepped back, freeing Remus but the werewolf didn't move. He moved his hand up and pushed it through his hair exasperatedly. Two years they'd been together. Two years they'd had this same conversation. Two years that had been Remus' excuse. Sirius' patience was beginning to wear thin.

"Remus," Sirius began, feeling more than a little agitated. "Do you know how humiliating it is to say that my boyfriend hides me from his parents? To say that we live together and every time his parents come by he hides all of my stuff. Do you know how…demeaning that is? It makes me feel like I'm your shameful secret or something."

In one quick movement, Remus stepped away from the counter and cupped Sirius' face in his hands, forcing Sirius to look at him. Remus' hands were a little damp from handling the wet dishes but Sirius didn't mind as they stared at each other. They stared for a moment and Sirius felt his agitation drain from him as Remus' thumb soothed over his jaw and bottom lip.

"I will tell them," Remus said with a sort of conviction that gave Sirius hope. "I promise, I will. You're not my secret." He closed his eyes for a moment, collecting himself, before he opened them and looked straight into Sirius' eyes. The intensity almost took Sirius' breath away. "I love you. And I **will** tell them. It's just… Right now, they won't understand. I just need to ease them into it. I need to tell them I'm…whatever I am, before I tell them I've shacked up with you. Can—can you wait until I tell them that first?"

Sirius swallowed and nodded. "I love you, too," he replied quietly. "I'm sorry. Of course I can wait. I don't want to rush you."

Remus snorted. "Rush me?" he asked, smiling his amusement. "Sirius, you've been more patient than I would have ever thought you could be. I'm the one that should be sorry. I know this can't be easy for you – me hiding you all of the time. I know you had plans for today, and I'm sorry I've fucked them up. I promise, I'll make it up to you. Tonight. They should be gone by five. So, how about we spend the evening together?" he finished, a suggestive glint in his eye as well as his voice.

Sirius smirked. "Alright. Five. And not a minute later," he warned.

Remus smiled back. "Of course not," he said mock-solemnly. He gave Sirius a quick, almost-but-not-quite chaste kiss before he pulled back and let go of Sirius. "Go put some clothes on. They'll be here soon. And I think that they'll definitely suspect something if they find you half-naked in my kitchen."

"Our kitchen," Sirius muttered, earning a small chuckle of agreement from Remus. He nodded and made his way to the kitchen doorway where he paused. "I'll be out of your hair soon," he assured. "Love you," he mumbled before leaving to get dressed.

* * *

Sirius yawned and knocked on the door again before the redheaded beauty that was Lily Evans-Potter threw the door open. They stared at each other for a moment of silence as they studied each other, Sirius noting the pregnant woman was dressed in her 'mummy-clothes' and an apron. He reckoned she was probably cooking, judging by the apron and bits of white on her forehead and nose.

"Sirius!" she chirped ecstatically as if she only just realised it was him; Sirius wondered if maybe she had just remembered him. He'd heard Mrs. Potter talking about 'baby-brain' and forgetfulness.

He barely had a moment to react before the redhead threw herself at him and held him in a long, and surprisingly strong, hug. He hugged back briefly before she pulled back, a huge grin on her face.

"What are you doing here?" she asked before she grabbed his hand and led him into the house, letting the door swing shut behind them. "James! Sirius is here!" she called through the house.

They entered the kitchen and as soon as they did, Sirius noticed the mess. It was hard to miss it, truth be told. He briefly wondered if a bakery-hurricane had blown through with the amount of flour that covered the kitchen surfaces.

The kitchen counters were coated in dough, flour and other cooking materials; the sink was plugged up; the floor was like standing in a light layer of sand; the air smelled of sweetness and it was warm, and the small table that the married couple used during dinner parties was stacked high with cupcakes, cookies and other baked goods. And right in the centre of the mess, with his own apron and pair of cooking mittens, was James Potter.

"Padfoot?" James asked, standing up with a baking tray of non-cooked treats and tilting his head to look through his glasses that had become askew when he stood up. Lily, the loving wife she was, corrected his glasses and took the tray off of him, placing it in the oven. She offered Sirius a cookie, which he took politely. "What are you doing here?" he asked curiously.

Sirius shrugged and looked for a non-food-covered surface to sit on. He found none. "Remus' parents are visiting," he explained, earning a collective _'Ah'_ from the couple who were so in sync.

"So, you've been kicked out," Lily said, a supportive smile on her face as she offered a cupcake which Sirius took.

"Not kicked out **exactly** ," he replied after he swallowed his cookie. "More like relocated," he adjusted before taking a bit of the delicious cupcake.

"That's tough luck, mate," James said, moving over to stand with them. "I know you had plans."

Sirius shrugged. "Well, not really. But I did want to spend the day with him."

Lily rubbed his back consolingly as she bit into her own cupcake. James took a cupcake and took a bite too before asking, "He still hasn't told them?"

Sirius shook his head. "Nope," he said.

"He really ought to," Lily replied. "Your two year anniversary is due, right?"

Sirius nodded. "Yep. Next week."

"Why hasn't he told them?"

"I think he's just worried," he replied thoughtfully. "You know, about disappointing them."

Lily pulled out the table, revealing two clean chairs, and sat down on one of them. Sirius quickly took the other. "Why would he disappoint them?" she asked.

"Well, if he's with me, he can't have kids, can he? That means the end of the Lupin bloodline, doesn't it?"

"Whoa, wait," James said, sitting down opposite Sirius on one of the dirty chairs. "Are you sure you're not projecting?"

Sirius frowned. "What d'you mean?"

"I see what you're saying," Lily murmured, clearly catching James' train of thought. "He's asking if you're sure that those aren't **your** worries for him?" Sirius frowned, still confused. "You've always worried that Remus would end things because he wanted a family, haven't you?"

Sirius shrugged and picked at the cupcake. "They're not stupid worries," he mumbled, receiving another soothing rub on the back from Lily. "He'd make a great dad – I know he would – and I can't give him that. And his mum has always wanted grandkids." He looked up at them. "Prongs, you remember in fifth year when she embarrassed the fuck out of him by telling us to set him up with a 'pretty girl' so that he could give her grandkids."

"Yeah," James replied. "But I don't think that's the reason he's scared of telling them."

"Well, it's **a** reason."

"Sirius, you know that you **could** have kids with him," Lily said, making James and Sirius frown at her. She rolled her eyes affectionately. "They have this thing now. IVA or IVF or something. It helps couples like you and Remus or Marlene and Dorcas have kids. If you wanted, you could have a family with him. Or there's adoption. You could still give Mrs. Lupin grandkids."

Sirius smiled and nodded imperceptibly, realising that they had options, should Remus ever want to have a family with him one day. Sirius himself knew that, if he were to consider children, Remus would be the person he'd want a family with.

"Maybe," he muttered. "Look, I don't know why he hasn't told him. He said he's easing them into it. I reckon he'll tell them soon. A few more months," he said, feeling a bit more confident.

"I'm sure he will," Lily smiled.

"So, how long are you here for?" James asked, earning a whack on the arm from Lily. "Ow," he hissed as he rubbed his arm. "What was that for?"

"It's rude to ask someone that," she said.

"It's okay," Sirius laughed, earning himself a half-kick under the table from James. "I'm here until about five unless you want me out sooner."

"No, that's perfect," Lily chirped, standing up. "You can help us cook. My mum's having a bake sale at the local primary school where she lives. She asked for me to cook some food up and, since I am in the midst of some serious cooking-craving, it was perfect. There's a batch of treats in it for you if you say yes," she finished enticingly.

Sirius smirked. "Alright," he said, excited for his free cookies. "Where's my apron?"

* * *

Sirius tucked the tub full of goodies under his arm and knocked on the door, mindful that the Lupin's might still be there. He knew that if he entered the home without knocking, Remus would probably get paranoid that they'd figure it out. He waited for a second, listening to the door, before he knocked again. The door swung open the next moment and Sirius found himself face-to-face with Remus. The werewolf stood there, looking apprehensive but proud.

"Why are you knocking?" he asked.

"Uh…" Sirius shrugged. "In case your mum was still here?"

"They're not here anymore," he informed before he dragged Sirius in. "I have some news."

He led the way to the living room where Sirius noticed that his stuff had been put on display again – the most noticeable items being his random people in photo frames. He liked to collect frames with pictures and photos already inside them. More often than not personal photographs didn't get put in the frames.

Remus took the tub and placed it on the coffee table before he pushed Sirius down on the couch. Sirius looked up at Remus who stayed standing.

"I told them."

Sirius' eyebrows rose into his hairline before he frowned, unsure if he was letting his hopes run away with him. "Sorry?" he asked instead.

"I…" Remus moved to sit next to him. "You got into my head. I don't want you to feel like I'm ashamed of you or anything. Because I'm not. You're…" He paused and bit his lip, studying Sirius and clearly deciding whether or not to continue his thought. Sirius waited patiently. "You're the most important thing in my life, Sirius. I don't want you to ever feel like I'm ashamed of you. So, your words…well, they just sort of…niggled at me. And, I just sort of…blurted it out."

Sirius grinned, proud of his partner. "How'd they take it?" he asked, genuinely interested.

"Fine, I think," Remus replied. "My mum was a bit shocked but my dad didn't seem fazed. I think he already knew."

"So, they took it well?" Sirius asked.

"Yes," he replied. "And don't say 'I told you so' unless you want to be doing the dishes tonight."

Sirius grinned but decided doing the dishes was not worth an 'I told you so'; he really hated doing the dishes. "So… I'm guessing you didn't tell them about me, right?"

Remus' smile faltered slightly as he shook his head. "No. Sorry. Not yet. I think one confession at a time. If I'd told them about you, I think my mum would've asked you to dinner and dad would have wanted to give you a 'talk'."

Sirius nodded. "Fair enough. I don't mind that you didn't tell them, Moony. This is an achievement in itself." He grinned happily and moved forward on the couch, wrapping his arms around Remus before he kissed the werewolf lightly. "I'm proud of you. One confession at a time, eh?"

Remus nodded. "Soon, you won't have to say that your boyfriend hides you from his parents. I'll tell them. But, after I've prepared you. They're a bit…full on."

Sirius snorted. "I can handle a Lupin," he retorted before he remembered Mr. Lupin and his scary height; the man was almost as tall as Remus. "But your dad kind of scares me so I don't mind waiting for that particular talk."

Remus laughed and kissed him. "Okay. One confession at a time."

Sirius nodded. "One confession at a time."

* * *

 **NOTE: I will be posting this separately as well as on here.  
Thank you for reading! =) Hope you enjoyed it! **


	4. On Reflection

**I didn't think help would come in the form of a person, but there you were. – 21.01.17**

Sirius Black smiled placidly as he studied the profile of the person lying in the bed next to him. Cloudy grey eyes roamed over the face he knew so well; over the face of his lover and confidant for the past year: Remus Lupin, freakishly-intelligent werewolf and well-deserved Gryffindor.

Sirius had always thought Remus looked so peaceful and innocent when he was asleep. The lycanthrope's face was relaxed and unguarded, and Sirius thought Remus seemed at his most vulnerable when he was at rest. Sirius couldn't help but think that Remus looked so content and beautiful when in deep sleep.

Sometimes, when they were in their own beds in the dorms and Sirius slept in Remus' bed (or vice versa), he would just spend ages watching Remus sleep. Often it was in the moments before he fell asleep (always being the last to fall asleep) or just before Remus woke up (usually up before anyone else in the dorm but occasionally Sirius awoke earlier).

He preferred to think of observing Remus as **romantic** rather than creepy (as Peter had called it when James had admitted to doing it). And, as of yet, he had only been caught once by Remus. And, that time, he had been able to explain it away easily.

Soft grey eyes traced over the fine features of his werewolf friend. Sirius looked at the closed hazel-amber eyes that held the answers to every question he'd ever posed, and he admired the dark eyelashes that rested on Remus' pale cheeks delicately, making him look sinless and pure.

Metallic grey roved along the ever-so-slightly crooked nose that, in his personal opinion, only served to make Remus more perfect; Remus' flaws only made Sirius' ever-present feelings stronger and more pronounced.

His eyes came to rest on the plump Cupid's bow lips that he knew for a fact tasted as good as – if not **better** than – they looked.

Sirius sighed happily as a cool April breeze drifted in through the open window behind him and cooled him down. He had elected to lay on top of the sheets rather than in them next to the hot water bottle that was Remus Lupin. Remus, in contrast to Sirius, was wrapped up in the sheets, recovering from a recent transformation.

The previous night, Sirius had snuck in after lights out to spend time with Remus. However, when he'd gotten there, Remus had been fast asleep. Instead of leaving, Sirius had climbed carefully on top of the bed and lay down next to the snoozing werewolf.

He had watched Remus sleep until the other wizard had woken up. From then, they had spent some time kissing leisurely – Remus being too tired for anything more – and talking before the werewolf fell asleep again, arms wrapped around Sirius, trapping him. Not that Sirius had complained; it only meant that he didn't have to endure a night without Remus.

For the past six months, they had been sharing a bed but whenever Remus was laid up in hospital or after transformations, sometimes Sirius wasn't able to stay in the same bed. Often it was because Remus wanted the bed to himself after full moons, always feeling too hot or damaged to share with the Animagus. And Sirius, being the dutiful boyfriend that he was, respected Remus' wishes and left the lycanthrope's bed to sleep in his own cold bed.

He wasn't a fan of those nights, though. He didn't like not staying with Remus; it made him feel on edge and he did not like that feeling. On those nights, when he was all alone, he always had trouble sleeping. So, he felt very lucky that hours before, Remus hadn't sent him away. Remus had **wanted** him to stay. That thought alone was enough to make him smile.

He sighed contentedly and, as he looked at the innocent side profile of sleeping Remus, he couldn't help but remember the first time he'd met the werewolf. Of course, he hadn't known Remus was a 'Dark Creature' back then.

It had been in the first year when they first officially met, in the Gryffindor first year boys dorm room a couple of days after the Welcoming Feast.

Sirius had been more than a little wary of the people – being the first ever Black to be put in the rival House – and he had more or less stayed away from everyone in the red and gold House until James had practically forced him to talk to them.

Sirius knew (now) that he hadn't been easy to get along with in the first few weeks of school. He had still been very Blackified with his family's lessons and logic; he hadn't learned of the different and amazing types of people out there. In reflection, he reckoned that it was meeting Remus that essentially changed his views for the better. And, admittedly, that was all thanks to James.

Sirius had always been grateful for James' tireless persistence. James had essentially created the Marauders. He had made them all to talk and become best friends. They **all** , really, had James to thank. Not that Sirius would tell him that. The stag Animagus' head was big enough already – he didn't need Sirius inflating his ego even more!

Sirius would admit, though, that James was technically his first friend **ever**. And still remained his best mate ever. James and Remus were in different leagues, he rationalised. James was in a brother/best mate league, while Remus was in a whole other league of friend.

Remus, while Sirius had been staying away from everyone for the first few days, had also been hiding away; either in the library or behind drawn curtains or in a corner of the common room away from everyone.

Back in first year, Remus had been a timid, articulate but socially awkward swot when they'd first met. His nose was always stuck in a book and he had practically avoided James and Sirius and Peter for the first few weeks of school.

Despite his avoidance, Sirius could still remember the first words Remus ever spoke to him: _'You've spelled that wrong.'_

It was so very Remus, Sirius thought. He still marvelled at the progress Remus had made since then. The werewolf was practically a social butterfly! Well, not really; but he was a damned sight better than he had once been. And it was all thanks to him and James, he thought modestly.

It had been around October that James, with his annoying optimism and overly-friendly nature, had decided enough was enough. He had all but forced Remus to talk to them. They had learned of Remus' odd upbringing – away from people, and the reason for his lack of social skills – and they had quickly made friends, the four of them.

It was in second year that they had all become closer than ever, forming an unbreakable bond. That was the year when they had officially formed their own pack, their own tight-knit family: the Marauders.

They had learned of Remus' affliction and stuck by him. And, from then on, they had all formed an adamantine bond.

They had formed the 'Marauders' after a prank on the Slytherin's that James and Sirius had pulled and Remus and Peter had, unfortunately (or fortunately depending on how you looked at it), been put in detention with them.

The two Half-blood's had been pretty lax on prank-pulling up until that point. Remus and Peter had helped out now and again but they were rarely ever fully associated with the stunts. That antic, however, they had been blamed for along with the Pureblood's.

They had been stupid enough to stand next to (and laugh along with) James and Sirius, and Professor McGonagall had assumed it was the four of them. She had then put them all in detention together.

Whilst scrubbing the Transfiguration corridor, Remus had suggested **not** getting caught and when Sirius had asked how **exactly** they would do that (he remembered being very sarcastic as a youth – something that Remus had adopted and still, to that day, tended to be), Remus had replied that it was easy.

With that omission, they had, all four of them, pulled off a masterful prank – one that implicated none of them as they all had cast-iron alibies – and none of them had received detention. And from that moment on, James had named them the Marauders and they became infamous.

Looking back, Sirius realised that Remus had always been there for him. Even back when he had been an absolute prat, Remus had always treated him the same as everyone else. Meeting Remus had changed him for the better, he knew. And he supposed he had James to thank for that. He still wasn't going to go and thank him, though – overinflated egos and all that.

Remus shifted in the hospital bed – drawing his arm up to rest at the top of his head – and Sirius was jolted back to the present.

He stared at the werewolf and realised with sudden clarity that if he hadn't met Remus or had Remus in his life, it would've been a lot different. As he observed Remus, Sirius realised just how much he needed the werewolf. Without Remus, he reckoned he wouldn't be alive today. Remus had saved him from himself.

He knew that Remus had deep insecurities; that the lycanthrope often felt useless and worthless. But, without Remus, Sirius **knew** he wouldn't have been alive still. There had been one particular low point, just after he had been officially disowned, when Remus had saved him.

His lowest point had been in their sixth year. It was in February – a few weeks before he and Remus had gotten together – and Sirius had **officially** been disowned from the Black family. He had ran away in the summer between fifth year and sixth year and, since he hadn't been disowned in the several months between then, he had thought it wouldn't happen.

But then all Hell had broken loose.

Sirius broke up with his then boyfriend Ankou Carlson (which, in all honesty was more damage to his pride than his heart – he had never really been emotionally invested in that particular relationship) and his family had somehow found out about his sexuality.

Upon realising that he wouldn't produce an heir at any point, Sirius had gotten a Howler (in the middle of the Great Hall, humiliating him in front of everyone) from his parents and had been very publically disowned. He had been burned off the family tapestry and cut off from his inheritance.

Sirius had spiralled from then.

After then, he had been publically but anonymously outed to everyone in the school – he didn't know who by, but he suspected it to be either Avery, Mulciber or Rosier. He didn't know how they'd found out either, but he knew that none of his friends had said anything.

Every day he received taunts and verbal abuse from his peers (mostly Slytherin's but some in other Houses had participated, too) and he had been forced to be on high alert for his own (and his friends') safety when the threats started to become serious. All of that he had been able to handle – **just** – but it was when his own brother turned his back on him that he broke.

Regulus had completely abandoned him and Sirius just **broke**.

He had gone up to the Astronomy Tower, with no particular agenda other than to get away from everyone. He just wanted to escape people, various Gryffindor's and even his best mates included. He knew that they were all just trying to help him, but at the time, he had just felt smothered and claustrophobic.

He had stolen a couple of bottles of Firewhiskey and had taken to drinking it in solitude.

However, drinking and depression do not mix well and he found himself with the ingenious idea of ending his predicament by throwing himself into oblivion. It had been a brilliant idea in his intoxicated mind and he had been in the middle of debating it, standing atop the Astronomy Tower and looking down at the ground below, when Remus had found him and pulled him back to reality.

That night, Remus had sat with him all night – and many nights after – and had talked with him, listening and helping. He didn't say anything when Sirius cried (something which Sirius was inexplicably grateful for) and he stayed silent if anyone asked what they talked about, leaving it to Sirius to reveal what he wanted to. Peter found out some of it, James found out more, but Remus became his primary confidant with such things.

After that incident, his and Remus' friendship had become more intimate and eventually they had started dating. Shortly after that, Remus (in an uncharacteristic display of emotion – and more specifically, of **anger** ) had punched Evan Rosier and broke his nose.

The unusual action from Remus had served as a warning to all those who dared to taunt or harass Sirius (or any of them, really) that it would not be tolerated. The fact that they had gotten a rise out of Remus seemed to stop all bullying activity where it concerned any of the Marauders or their friends.

Sirius knew for a fact that, if he hadn't met Remus or became friends with the other wizard, he would have been non-existent a lot sooner.

Sirius was startled from his musings when he heard a huffed laugh from next to him and Remus spoke.

"Padfoot, why are you staring at me?" he asked, eyes still closed but a small smile graced his face.

"I wasn't," Sirius denied, wondering how to explain this away. He had no clue of how long Remus had been awake. It was possible that this time, his staring couldn't be explained away.

Remus snorted. "Sure." He shifted slightly and Sirius, for the first time that morning, saw Remus' hazel-amber eyes – the same eyes he had thought about earlier that answered all of his questions easily. "What are you thinking about?" he asked, looking at Sirius through half-lidded eyes.

"Hm? Oh, uh…" Sirius shrugged and smiled innocently. "Nothing really."

Remus nodded weakly and looked at his surroundings. "Mhm," he murmured before looking back at Sirius. "And the real answer?"

Sirius sighed and shrugged again. "Just…" He debated it for a second. "Just you," he answered.

Remus frowned. "Me?" he questioned, obviously confused; Sirius nodded. "What about me?"

Sirius shifted so that he was sitting up on the bed facing Remus, legs crossed as he played with Remus' long-fingered hand.

"I was just thinking about the day we met," he said. "And how much of a prat I was. And sixth year – the Astronomy Tower. And when you punched Rosier."

Remus stiffened slightly, always becoming a little worried whenever Sirius' depression was mentioned. Sirius wondered if it was because Remus thought that he was going through it again. He wasn't but he knew that, sometimes, it couldn't be avoided. And he knew that, as long as he had Remus and his friends, he was fine.

Remus pushed himself up so he was in a seating position across from Sirius; Sirius continued to play with the strong hand as the werewolf spoke.

"Why were you thinking about that?" he asked.

Sirius shrugged and smiled sadly. "Because it was a low point. And I just…" He paused and looked up, catching Remus' intense concentrated gaze. "I didn't think help would come in the form of a person, but there you were…"

Several emotions flitted over the werewolf's face – too fast for Sirius to understand them all but he picked up a few: happiness, gratitude, love and confusion.

"Sirius…"

"You saved me, Remus," Sirius interjected, giving Remus' hand a gentle squeeze. "I was just thinking about how lucky I was– **am** , to have you. If I'd never met you, my life would be a lot worse off."

Silence reigned for a moment after his confession as they both just stared at one another. Remus' face was neutral and Sirius hated the fact that he couldn't read Remus as well as the werewolf could him.

To everyone, Sirius Black was a riddle; you only knew his true feelings if he was angry or happy. But, to Remus, he was practically a children's book – easy to read even if he was pretending to be something else.

To everyone, Sirius included, Remus was an enigma. He was aloof, guarded and uneasy to read. He always had a polite mask on. Sirius could read him sometimes but it wasn't easy. He had spent seven years learning when Remus was actually happy and when he was fake-happy. Looking at Remus as he was then, Sirius couldn't tell what Remus was thinking.

He knew soon after, though, as in one swift movement, he was pulled by a strong hand on his neck into a lingering and heartfelt kiss.

Sirius knew what the kiss meant. It was a show of thanks and love. Neither of them had expressed what they truly felt in actual words yet, but that just made the kiss all the more meaningful. It was a substitute, yes, but it was perfect for them. Sirius returned it eagerly, hoping to portray his feelings through the light lip-lock.

Remus pulled back moments later and sniffed subtly, eyes attached to Sirius' lips, making Sirius smile. He reckoned he'd gotten his point across. Hazel-amber eyes looked up, then, and caught Sirius' cloudy grey. They stared at one another for a couple of moments before Remus leaned in again to place a short and chaste kiss on the Animagus' lips. He pulled back again and smiled.

"You saved me, too, Sirius," Remus admitted. "You may not think you have, but if I hadn't met you, I couldn't say in all honesty that I'd still be here."

Sirius grinned, feeling his heart thumping fast against his ribcage at the words spilling out of Remus' mouth. He knew the ultimate meaning behind Remus' words but he couldn't help but see the positivity in them. They had saved each other, essentially.

Sirius had actually managed to, in some way, repay Remus for everything. They had a perfect relationship, one of give-and-take and support. **That** , he thought, was better than any _'I love you'_.

Wanting to show Remus how hard-hitting and how appreciated his words were, Sirius gently pushed Remus back against the hospital bed pillows and climbed on top of him, straddling the werewolf carefully. He was mindful of Remus' recent injuries – a large colourful bruise on his ribs and a couple of scratches (non-scarring, he added mentally) on his arms.

He kissed Remus lightly at first, teasing the werewolf, before he deepened the kiss.

Sirius had been truthful when he said those words to Remus; he hadn't expected help to come in the form of a person and he **definitely** hadn't expected it to be Remus. If he was honest, he hadn't expected help to come at all but he found he was ecstatic that it came in the form of Remus.

On reflection, Sirius was glad of everything that had happened in his life. He was glad that he had been put into Gryffindor and he was grateful for Remus Lupin (and James Potter).

He realised that, if he had the chance to go back and change anything – being sorted into Gryffindor, being disowned and his family finding out, being outed and bullied mercilessly, being so low that he was ready to jump off the Astronomy Tower – he wouldn't change a thing. Because, without all of that happening, he mightn't have gotten with Remus and been at his happiest.

* * *

 **NOTE: I will be posting this separately as well.**  
 **Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed it! =)**


	5. Faking It

**He was never that into me, but I let him fake it for over a year! – 21.01.17**

Forest green eyes followed the escapades of the group skating around on the ice. More specifically, she watched as the only person she'd ever loved skated along on the frozen ground, attached to the only person he'd ever loved.

Seventh year Ravenclaw Head Girl, Emmeline Vance, meandered down the sleet-covered walkway by the Black Lake, her eyes focused solely on her ex-boyfriend Remus Lupin (a Gryffindor of the same year). As she walked, she realised that her eyes constantly sought him out. Whenever she walked into a room, or wandered around the school in general, she found herself unfailingly hunting out the tall wizard.

She had always searched for him; ever since they had met on the Hogwarts Express in their first year. Back in first year, Remus had been shy and severely lacking in any social skills but he had also been unfathomably kind and unerringly intelligent; they had made quick friends on the journey to the large castle.

Back then, she had thought (or rather, she had **hoped** ) that he would be put into Ravenclaw – where she expected she would be placed. But he had been sorted into Gryffindor, and she into Ravenclaw. Despite being in different Houses, their friendship hadn't suffered and they remained good friends.

In second year, Emmeline had developed a crush on the young boy and by fifth year, her long-winded crush had reached its peak.

They had both been made Prefects and, with this development, they had spent a lot more time with each other. The more time she spent with him, the more her infatuation with him grew. And, by the end of Christmas, she couldn't deny it any longer. She had fallen deeply, doubtlessly, unbelievably in love with the Gryffindor.

After February of their fifth year, they grew even closer.

Remus had fallen out with one of his best friends, Sirius Black, but she didn't know why – no one did. It seemed that the only people who knew why were the 'Marauders', and they were all keeping tight-lipped.

Remus had refused to discuss it with her and she, being the good friend she was, had decided to bury the subject. With temporary rift between Remus and Black, he had spent a lot more time with her.

Those few weeks when Black wasn't around were brilliant, in Emmeline's opinion. Before then, Black was nearly always around Remus and she rarely got to see her Gryffindor alone unless they were studying or in class or on Prefect rounds. Without Black around, she had Remus all to herself – for the most part; school and his other friends (James Potter, Peter Pettigrew and Lily Evans) occupied the rest of his time.

Those few weeks with Remus had been when Emmeline's love for the Gryffindor had become overpowering and, by March, she couldn't keep it a secret anymore.

She had made the first move, surprisingly. She had always thought that Remus, being a Gryffindor (and therefore being known for impulsive/brave behaviour), would have made the first move. But, he didn't and she had kissed him first, knowing how oblivious he was when people flirted with him.

She reckoned he was also quite bashful about the subject, having never really flaunted his past relationships before.

By the end of April, Remus and Black had become friends again (though, their friendship seemed tense and slightly strained, and the Pureblood seemed to be trying to make it up to Remus), and she and Remus were united together in coupledom.

Everything was perfect, she'd thought.

She had **finally** gotten Remus and everything was going great. He was attentive and treated her as she had expected he would: with care and respect. He was kind to her friends and she returned the favour, being polite to his tight-knit group.

There was only really one problem: Sirius Black.

He just didn't seem to like her. Every time she arrived, Black always seemed to leave. He sometimes made his excuses but more often than not he just left without a word and a wary look in her direction.

She had told Remus about it but he had denied there was a problem. She reckoned that he either didn't notice it or he didn't know the reason as to why his friend disliked her, either. After she had brought it up, she had observed Remus frowning after Black when he left.

Emmeline knew Black didn't like her – that much was obvious – but what she couldn't understand was **why**.

She was always nice to him and she tried to make conversation with him (because he was Remus' friend and that was what good girlfriends did), but Black just didn't seem interested. He had an obvious disdain for her and, in the end, she gave up trying. She was still polite to him around people, but that was as far as their relationship went.

Eventually, she stopped caring about why he disliked her; she wasn't a massive fan of the arrogant Black heir anyway. She had always thought Remus was better than him, but she hadn't voiced that opinion, knowing how protective of his friends Remus was.

Besides, she didn't need Black's approval. She had Remus' attention and that was enough. She didn't need Remus' friends to like her, as long as he did. Black was a minor problem in hers and Remus' relationship; one she could overlook.

Emmeline and Remus dated for just over a year – from March of their fifth year to April of their sixth year – and everything had been going brilliantly. That was, until their perfect relationship ended abruptly and with its demise went their previous friendship.

It had ended, in her opinion, because of Sirius Black – the arrogant prick.

It had started off with small things at first – with little disagreements that became more persistent during sixth year and the later months of their relationship. It was over silly things to begin with: like schoolwork, missed Hogsmeade weekends due to friends, and forgotten anniversaries here and there.

But then they started arguing about other, more serious things: like the lack of time they spent together, or Remus' secretive nature, or his friends.

Emmeline had expressed her concerns about Black (and his standoffish behaviour towards her) multiple times but Remus refused to hear of it, playing it off as if it was unimportant or paranoia. He was always defending Black and taking the Pureblood's side – a fact that Emmeline hated.

Because she knew. She **knew** that Black disliked her – he always had. She had only tolerated him for the duration of hers and Remus' relationship because she loved Remus, and Black, unfortunately, was one of her boyfriend's best friends.

Sirius Black, in her opinion, was the real reason behind their arguments and he was the reason for the eventual end of her perfect relationship.

She thought ( **knew** ) that Black was secretly in love with her boyfriend and she reckoned that was the reason for his hostility towards her; he was jealous and felt threatened by her. He was always trying to undermine her in front of Remus, and he continuously made snarky comments about her – whether she was in earshot or not.

And, in April, she had just snapped.

They had been sitting – they being Remus, herself, Black, Pettigrew, Potter, Evans and Alice Bones – out by the lake, studying, when it had happened.

Black had been laughing and joking, and getting a little too cosy with Remus for her liking, and her patience level had reached its peak. She had just fractured and accidentally brought about the end of her relationship.

Black had been whispering in **her** boyfriend's ear, making **her** boyfriend laugh, putting his arm around **her** boyfriend's shoulders and after months of taunting, she had cracked. She had accused him of being in love with Remus (which, he was; he may not have admitted to it, but Emmeline knew) and trying to destroy their relationship.

Remus had told her to calm down and that she was overreacting. In her blind panic, she had asked why he never sided with her and if he was in love with Sirius, too. Remus had been shocked and angry by her accusations, though he didn't show it, and he had proceeded to drag her away from the group to a secluded area at the other side of the lake.

Away from his friends, he told her to stop raving like a 'lunatic' and that she was being paranoid. She had – still in her blind panic – accused him again of shagging Sirius behind her back. Remus' face had shown obvious hurt and Emmeline regretted saying it the second it left her mouth.

She didn't know why she had said it; it was unfounded and she had no evidence. Remus wasn't that type of person, she knew. Her Gryffindor had been upset by her words and had angrily accused her of being a 'jealous psycho' before he had sorrowfully told her that it wasn't working anymore and they had broken it off.

Their breakup had been nine or so months earlier and, although time does heal all wounds, she was still deeply upset by how it ended. She hadn't wanted it to end that way. In fact, she hadn't wanted it to end **at all** , truth be told.

With Remus, Emmeline could imagine her life perfectly: the kids, the house, the dog – the **perfect** life with the **perfect** man. But the fact remained that it did end and she was **still** deeply in love with him. He, however, had moved on.

They were in their seventh year, now. In fact, they were a few months into their seventh year and only a few weeks earlier, in early December (before Christmas break), Remus and Black had been outed as a couple by one of the gossiping Hufflepuff's that had caught them in one of the empty classrooms.

News of 'Hogwarts's New Couple' had spread like wildfire and Emmeline had found out within hours of the incident. She, admittedly, had mixed feelings about the news.

At first, she had wondered if her accusations about an affair had been accurate before she dismissed it. Remus would never cheat, she knew; he just wasn't that type of person.

She had been happy for Remus – she wanted him to be happy and towards the end of their relationship, she knew he wasn't – but she had been, understandably, upset. She may have wanted Remus to be happy, but that didn't mean she was happy about who he had chosen to be with.

Why, out of all of the people in Hogwarts (Hell, in the entire universe!), had Remus chosen Sirius fucking Black?

Remus, in her opinion, could do much better than Black. He was too good for an arrogant, selfish, egotistical prick like Sirius bloody Black. She knew that Black was only going to break Remus' heart. And Remus didn't deserve that. He may have broken her heart but that didn't mean he deserved the same pain.

She knew that Black would only hurt Remus (intentionally or not) and, while that was a bad thing, in some selfish way, she hoped he did so. If he did, then she reckoned she could have a chance with her Gryffindor again.

A familiar, low chuckle brought Emmeline back to the present and her eyes focused on Remus once more. She watched sombrely as the only man she'd ever loved glided around on the ice, having fun and laughing with the only person he'd ever loved.

In truth, she had always known she was second best compared to Sirius Black. She had always, however deep down, known there was something more between the two Gryffindor's. They were always more… **affectionate** with each other than they were with others; they were always closer than they were with the others. She supposed she just hadn't wanted to see it before.

Forest green eyes watched as Remus and Black (and their other Gryffindor posse) skated off the ice, grinning and guffawing together, and began making their way up to the castle.

She watched and decided, at that moment, that she needed to talk to Black. She needed to know his true intentions, and to warn him not to hurt Remus. She loved Remus and Remus deserved the best. She had to know that her Love was in safe hands, or prove that he wasn't.

She followed behind the troop at a sedate pace (as to not attract attention) and waited for a moment that she could get Sirius Black alone.

* * *

Emmeline didn't find her moment on the way up to the castle. She followed the group all the way to their Tower but she failed to get Black alone.

She supposed she hadn't expected to get him alone straight away, but she had expected for him to peel away from the group at some point. But he didn't. Whenever she saw him, he was either with the group or at Remus' or Potter's side.

In the following days (or weeks, rather), she couldn't get the arrogant Gryffindor alone.

Eventually, though, after some investigative work (or stalking as her friend, Anna, had called it) she found her 'in'.

Through her weeks of research on the conceited wizard, she had learned that Black often went to the library alone on Wednesday nights for some personal study time away from his friends. She surmised that then was her only chance to talk to him alone.

* * *

One Wednesday night, near the end of February, Emmeline followed Black into the Hogwarts library and hid behind one of the tall bookshelves, peeking through the gaps in the books to keep an eye on him.

She stayed there in hiding, observing and waiting for the perfect time to strike. She watched him study, all the while thinking of what she was going to say. So lost in her thoughts was she that she didn't realise that the library was closing until she saw Black pack away and leave.

Hurriedly, she followed him out into the hallways, hiding behind statues and in alcoves along the way. Soon enough, they were nearing the Gryffindor Tower and she knew that if she didn't strike now, she'd lose her chance until the next week.

So, with that final thought, she moved away from the suit of armour and stood in the middle of the empty (apart from them) hallway. She arranged herself so that her shoulders were squared and her chin was up defiantly: a strong posture, in her opinion. She would not be intimidated by Black like everyone else was.

"Black," she called, her voice echoing down the empty hallway.

Black spun around faster than she could blink and she almost stumbled backwards when she saw his face. He looked guarded, intense, as if preparing for a fight, and he stood stock-still with his wand aloft in the air and pointed in her direction.

There was a few long seconds of intense silence as Black seemed to take the time to recognise who she was before he lowered his wand slightly, not putting it away but no longer pointing it at her. Clearly he was still wary of her but he didn't see her as an immediate threat.

"Vance," he greeted with a curt nod.

"I need to talk to you," she said, her voice wavering slightly.

Black stared at her for a little while before he nodded and moved towards her, pocketing his wand as he walked. He kept moving toward her until he was less than a metre away.

They stood at the same height – Emmeline had always been a fairly tall woman – but his presence was more overpowering than hers and it made him seem taller; his general aura was intimidating, emitting power and strength. She stayed where she was defiantly, standing tall and unmoving.

"Go on, then," Black said, grey eyes watching her cautiously.

Emmeline cleared her throat before she spoke. "It's about Remus," she informed.

"What about him? You two aren't together anymore, you know," he reminded coolly.

"No," she agreed, iciness seeping into her tone. "But I still care for him. And I don't know that you do. I want to know that you won't hurt him."

Black studied at her for an extended moment, a muscle jumping in his clenched jaw as he tried to keep his composure and icy exterior. His whole posture – from the way he stood to the expression in his grey eyes – made her want to fidget. She didn't, though. She kept her cool composure, showing him that she was unaffected by him.

"Vance, you aren't with him anymore. Who he dates has nothing to do with you," he said with a thin-controlled calm before he stepped back and looked away.

"It has everything to do with me," she spat back. "I actually **love** him. And I don't want him to get hurt." She huffed through her nose and shifted her bag nervously on her shoulder.

"Look, I know, okay?" she continued. "I **know** he was never that into me, but I let him fake it for over a year! Because I love him. Just because we're no longer together doesn't mean I don't still love him. Those feelings don't just **go away** because he broke my heart and started shagging you."

She sighed wearily and closed her eyes, fighting back the angry tears that Sirius Black had created. She knew that if he hadn't been there, she and Remus would still be together. If Black hadn't been there, infecting Remus' life, then Remus would have loved her and they would still be happy together.

Those realisations were stifling and heavily frustrating, and they just made her want to breakdown. She took in some deep breaths and tried to calm herself down.

"Black, I don't want you to hurt him. And I know you will," she said, opening her eyes again and looking at Sirius who seemed just as agitated as she felt.

"Why does everyone think I'm going to hurt him?" he asked, his voice uncharacteristically small.

Emmeline hesitated for a moment, unused to the quiet voice. "Because you're a **Black** ," she replied honestly, unable to hold back with the venom in her voice. "And Black's don't fall in love. They fall in **lust** , and they fall in **greed** , but they do **not** fall in **love**. Black's destroy things. And I don't want to see you destroy someone as amazing as Remus. He doesn't deserve it."

Black stared at her for a long moment, his grey eyes intense and fixed on her forest green. His stillness was disconcerting but Emmeline stood her ground and studied the wizard in front of her.

To her, he looked angry. But, she realised, not just that. He also seemed to be quite hurt. His grey eyes were stormy and serious, and his exterior was very intimidating. However, despite outwards appearances, she reckoned it was just for show because, as she looked into his expressive eyes, she thought she could see something there; something she had never seen there before: vulnerability, and possibly even fear.

She swallowed subtly and kept standing her ground, waiting for him to break the tense and uncomfortable silence. Eventually, he spoke.

"I'm not going to destroy him," he replied, his voice low and a little raw. "And, I'm not a Black anymore; I was disowned. Besides, I've never been a typical Black. Have I, Vance?" His stormy grey eyes stared into her forest green. "Look, I…I love him. I really do. I know people don't think I do. But, I do."

He ran a hand through his hair agitatedly, making Emmeline understand the appeal he had for most of the Hogwarts female population. He was dangerous and alluring, but he had no effect on her.

"You're right," he agreed. "He is amazing, and he doesn't deserve to be hurt. But I have no intentions of hurting him, Vance. Look, I…" He swallowed hard but kept his eyes focused on her. "He deserves the world. But he chose **me**. And I'm trying my best not to fuck this up. He believes in me, so I don't need you to. But I won't hurt him, if that's what you need me to say. Or at least, I'm trying my best not to hurt him."

Emmeline stood in the aftermath of his words, staring at him and deciding whether his words were true or not. After a long while, she was still inconclusive.

Huffing, she looked away. "You'd better not ruin him, Black," she warned. "Or you'll have me to deal with."

And with that, she stormed off to the Ravenclaw Tower to go over every detail of their conversation; every facial expression or voice breakage. Every word was analysed from the second she left Black in that corridor to the second she fell asleep.

* * *

Emmeline walked into the Arithmancy classroom, sighing as she sat down in the seat she always sat in: the seat that had the perfect view of Remus Lupin and Sirius Black.

She watched the couple in front of her, sitting next to each other and laughing at something. She didn't know what they were snickering about but it was clearly hilarious as she heard Remus snort. She knew he only did that when he found something particularly hysterically funny.

As she watched the Gryffindor's, she realised that perhaps their year of bliss wasn't 100% fake. She had enjoyed their time together, and she reckoned that Remus probably had too – they had been friends before the romance entered their relationship.

Remus had possibly, perhaps in the beginning, even truly fancied her. He wouldn't have spent a year making love to her and spending time with her if he didn't enjoy her company, she reckoned.

It didn't matter, though. In the end, she knew that he had just been wasting time with her. Remus had never **really** wanted her – not that way, at least – but she had loved him so much that she had let him fake it for the duration of their relationship. It didn't matter that it had mostly been falsified feelings on his part. They were true on hers.

Emmeline still loved Remus, despite it all, but as she looked at the couple of Gryffindor's sitting together, side by side, she couldn't deny that Black felt something for Remus. Nor could she deny that Remus felt more for Black than he ever had for her.

Maybe Black did love him, she wondered. Maybe Remus was safe in Black's hands.

While those revelations hurt, Emmeline found that she was glad of the pain. It reminded her that she was human. She was glad that Remus was happy and she was glad that, now that it was over, she could start to get over him; she could be happy, too, some day.

She was safe in the knowledge that perhaps Remus Lupin, the only man to have ever held her heart, was safe with Sirius Black.

* * *

 **NOTE: This will be posted separately as well.  
Th** **ank you for reading! =) Hope you enjoyed it!**


	6. A Blogger's Advice

**You think I'm reading your mind…but really, I'm just reading your blog. – 21.01.17**

James Potter sipped at his steaming hot coffee and watched the emerald-eyed woman he had been in love with for well over three years with a feeling of guilt and trepidation.

As he watched her happily and obliviously tap away at her keyboard (completely unaware of his sudden inner turmoil), he couldn't help but feel more than a little contrite; penitent because he, James Potter, had been keeping a secret from the woman he loved.

Observing her, he mentally debated whether or not to make his confession.

On the one hand, he knew that he couldn't keep it a secret forever. For one thing, he was awful at keeping secrets. Well, from her, at least. He knew that it was bound to come out at some point; he was bound to slip up and reveal his errors to her somewhere down the line. Plus, he was marrying her, and he wanted no secrets in his marriage.

But, on the other hand, he reckoned that his fiery redhead would probably go bat-shit-crazy when she found out and he knew he'd definitely be in trouble with her.

She'd probably give him the cold shoulder or the incessant-talk treatment (which was basically her talking non-stop until he broke down in apologies and did everything she asked for a week or so). Hell, she might even withhold sex! And he definitely didn't want that…

He didn't know what to do. He knew what he **should** do, of course. But, he knew the consequences of that path and, for him, they weren't so great.

In all honesty, James had felt guilty about it for a while. But, before, he was able to handle that guilt. Recently, though, his conscience seemed to be weighing down on him more and more with his illicit activities still going on. And, with the wedding looming, he felt he could no longer hide it.

The guilt James felt wasn't even his fault, he reckoned. If anything, it was Peter's for finding it. Or Remus' fault for knowing about it and keeping quiet the whole time. Or it was Sirius' fault for reading it and taunting him about it. And then, showing him and persuading him and getting him addicted to it! Or it was Lily's for writing it in the first place!

Still, though, he could usually ignore the gnawing of guilt on his conscience. Or, at least, he **used** to be able to handle it. But when she said things like _'You're amazing, I don't know how you do it'_ or, as she had previously just said, _'_ _It's like you read my mind',_ it was things like that that made him feel like the biggest con on earth. Especially since she had started saying those innocent phrases more and more.

James sighed silently and prepared to meet his fate. He felt like he was lying to her which, he supposed in a way, he was. In actuality, he just wasn't saying anything; which was basically the same thing, Remus had told him.

James knew what he had to do. He knew he couldn't lie to her anymore – especially not since they were months away from becoming husband and wife – and he had to accept any punishment she dealt.

Sighing, he finally spoke.

"Lily," he began, feeling his heart hammering nervously against his chest. Their relationship was strong enough, he knew, but he also knew that the next words out of his mouth were going to quite possibly lose him sex for a few weeks – depending on how long Lily could last. "I have a confession."

He knew he had to admit it, though. He had been doing it since they began dating! He had been snooping for the past three years. Three years was way too long to keep it a secret, he knew. If he didn't tell her now, he knew that either he would slip up, or Peter would blurt it out, or Remus would accidentally drunkenly tell her.

It was best she found out from him, before they married. He wanted no secrets between them when they were married; no secrets when they started their new life together. And that meant outing this particular secret.

Lily hummed, acknowledging him as her emerald green eyes stayed attached to the computer screen and she tapped away on her keyboard. She smiled beautifully and sipped the coffee James had just bought her – the same coffee that had made her utter the words and thus sparked James' subsequent confession.

"Oh, that sounds ominous," she joked.

James shifted in his chair. "It's…" He hesitated for a moment and Lily finally looked away from her screen to train her eyes on him curiously. "You might be pretty pissed. When you find out, I mean," he warned, pushing his glasses up his nose nervously.

Lily's smile turned from joking to intrigue as she looked at James, her eyes searching him for answers. "Well, now I'm interested," she murmured before she picked up her coffee, took a sip, and turned to face him fully in her chair, a sign that she was giving him her full attention. She waved a hand and said, "Continue."

James nodded and took a deep breath. "Erm…" He cleared his throat and turned to face her fully, too. "Okay, well, you remember when we first started dating…and it wasn't going brilliantly because I kept getting things wrong? You were always angry with me because I was really…idiotic?"

Lily scoffed a laugh. "Yes," she replied easily.

James nodded, only slightly feeling dismayed at her easy dismissal of his idiocracies. "Right, well… Okay," he sat forward in his chair and took her unoccupied hand in his. "Remember that I love you and you're amazing, right?"

Lily raised an eyebrow but stayed silent.

James nodded, more to himself than anyone else. "Well, right at the beginning, I was explaining these problems to my mates. And Pete, he found this blog. I swear, in the beginning, I thought it was just some random relationship blog. Pete didn't tell me whose it was, I promise. Anyway, I read it and then…we found out whose it was. And I stopped after that!" he was quick to admit.

"But then," he continued. "Sirius told me there was new stuff up and he kept alluding to it and I just sort of…began reading it again… It was your blog," he pointed out needlessly. He could see that she understood what he was saying but he thought he best clarify just in case.

"My blog…" she repeated, her voice steady and her face neutral.

James nodded. "Yeah. Your blog. I **tried** to stay away from it," he assured truthfully.

Because he had. But the temptation to know Lily's true feelings and how he could improve their relationship was too much and he found himself drawn to it after every moment they spent together. He had learned a lot of things from that blog – lessons that had stuck with him and made their relationship unbreakable.

"Ever since we found it, we've been reading it," he confessed.

"We?" Lily questioned.

"Yeah. Sirius, Remus and Pete, they wouldn't stop," he admitted. "They did it when I wasn't there. So, we decided to just read it together."

Lily nodded, her face still expressionless that it scared James a little.

James took a deep breath and prepared to hammer the nail into his coffin. "You see… You think I'm reading your mind…but really, I'm just reading your blog," he admitted, clenching his eyes tight shut at his own truth. "It's taught me so much, please don't be angry," he added quickly.

The two sat in silence for a long while, James with his eyes clenched shut and Lily watching him. People bustled around them in the café and the customers' chatter floated around but they both stayed quiet. Throughout the whole silence between them, neither of them moved.

When James heard a sound that sounded suspiciously like a laugh, he opened his eyes cautiously and found his fiancée sitting there with amusement written all over her face. Her eyes sparkled gorgeously and her smile was honest and wide. She laughed beatifically and James wondered why she looked so happy.

Her reaction thoroughly confused him. He had just admitted to invading her privacy and using her advice to cheat his way through the relationship, and she was…happy? He knew Lily was a strange sort but this whole reaction confirmed it.

"I know, James," she snickered after her laughing fit.

"What?" James asked, utterly confused.

"I know," she repeated, her smile still there. "I've known for a couple of years. Why do you think I wrote that mean thing about our first year anniversary?" she asked, her eyes sparkling in a way that told James he'd been played. "Because I knew you'd up your game. And you did. Our second and third anniversary was magical. Hell, you proposed to me on our third anniversary!"

"Wha—How did you know?"

Lily sat back and shrugged breezily, taking a sip. "Peter let it slip one night when we all went out drinking. You and Sirius had passed out in Sirius' bed. Remus was in the kitchen cooking pasta and it was just me and Peter in the living room. We played truth or dare, and since I had my suspicions, I asked him. And he told me."

"You've known all this time?" he asked incredulously.

"Of course," she snorted before turning her body towards her laptop again. "Honestly, James, you underestimate me. I'm sorry I didn't tell you but, in my defence, you've been perfect. And, I think you've actually learned some things about how to treat me."

James spluttered, utterly dumbfounded. His beautiful fiancée was just as deviant as himself! He didn't think it was possible to love her more but apparently it was. Lily laughed harmoniously and put her hand on his.

"James, how about this? I pretend I don't know, and you continue to listen to my advice?" she suggested sympathetically.

James swallowed and regarded her suspiciously, wondering if he was falling into a trap.

Lily smiled. "I'm not trapping you, James. This deal is advantageous for the both of us."

He nodded dumbly, pondering how on Earth he'd made it out of his predicament unscathed. He leaned over and kissed her lightly.

"You're amazing," he said. "I don't know how you do it."

Lily just snorted and brushed her lips against his gently before she pushed him back and returned to her tapping. James' brain slowly caught up and he realised that telling her had had no consequences. Lily was not only not upset with him, but actually offering for everything to carry on as if nothing had changed. It turned out that Lily didn't think he was reading her mind; in fact, she knew the truth all along.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed it! =)**


	7. Lost and Found

**I don't know what I want but I don't want this... (p28) – 21/22.01.17**

Up on the sixth floor of _Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry_ , heavy footfalls and irregular breathing punctuated the air and echoed off the walls as Remus Lupin paced back and forth along one of the empty corridors.

Shakily, he took in deep lungfuls of air and released them slowly as he tried to eradicate all feelings of irrepressible agitation and senseless anger.

He detested those poisonous emotions; more than that, Remus detested **feeling** them. It was rare that he felt such overwhelming negative emotions all at once, but when he did, he tried his best to seclude himself and keep away from people.

Remus loathed being filled with such inexcusable rage, especially when he didn't understand the reasons behind it. What he despised most of all, though, was the feeling of being without control. Lack of control was something that he dealt with once a month, every month. And that was enough for him.

Remus paused in his furious pacing and clenched his eyes shut tight, trying with all of his might to push away the molten-like feeling surging deep within his gut, threatening to rise again. Agitatedly, he ran a hand through his hair, making it stand on end – and most probably making him look like the raving lunatic he had just been, he realised.

Remus frowned to himself and huffed through his nose as he wondered where this sudden temper flare had come from. It was very unlike his normal self. He started pacing again, his hands clenching and unclenching into fists at his sides.

It was a well-known fact that Remus Lupin did not get angry easily. It just didn't happen. Remus was a mild-mannered, accepting and kind individual. He was patience personified. Remus was **not** quickly angered or unreasonable.

In fact, he had only been angry a handful of times in his life and, every single time, he had had a reason behind his outbursts. He had always had a logical and oftentimes understandable **reason**. But, this time, he couldn't find the reason.

Or, at least, he couldn't find a **justifiable** reason. He couldn't understand his sudden irrational behaviour. Because that was what his behaviour was: irrational. It was unfounded and stupid and completely barbaric, and so very unlike him.

Unfortunately, though, Remus knew exactly what he was feeling; and he knew **why** he was feeling that way. But, just because he knew the why, it didn't make his behaviour any less illogical. It was still completely 100% illogical and moronic, he thought.

Let it be known that Remus Lupin did not get jealous. He had no reason to. His life was just **fine** ; he was quite content, all things considered.

Remus did not fly off the handle or raise his voice, and he definitely didn't storm out of the Great Hall just because he saw his sort-of-ex flirting with someone else. However, there were exceptions to the rule. And it seemed that Sirius Black was his exception.

As much as Remus abhorred the nonsensical emotion, he could not deny that it was what he was feeling. Remus Lupin was in no doubt that he was, in fact, **jealous**. And, it seemed that there was only one person in the entire universe that could elicit such strong emotions from him: Sirius Black.

Remus paused and roughly pushed a hand through his hair again.

Why was it that Sirius fucking Black could amplify such intense emotions in him? Why did Sirius get to bring out the worst and best of him? It was unfair, he thought. Sirius shouldn't be able to make him feel like he's the only person in the world that matters, and the Animagus shouldn't be able to make him feel like an overprotective jealous buffoon.

It vexed Remus that Sirius could do that to him. He hated that Sirius had so much control over his emotions, that Sirius could break him whenever the Animagus wanted.

He hated it, but there was nothing he could do about it. After all, when it came to Sirius, he had no control. Sirius had the power to hurt him very badly, and Remus was unsure whether the other Marauder knew it or not.

 _Click, clack, click, clack, click, clack..._

The faint sound of footsteps reverberating off the walls – shoes hitting stone floor determinedly, coming closer to him, and growing louder with each step – alerted Remus to incoming company. He paused in his pacing and straightened up.

Cautiously, he opened his eyes and looked ahead of him, his eyes falling on the colourful tapestry hung up at the end of the dead-end corridor. As if hit by an _Affligo_ hex, he suddenly remembered where he was – or rather, where he had ran off to after his little almost-outburst – and he realised that he had no escape. Not unless he wished to pass the trespasser.

Remus waited silently as the footsteps finally came to a stop behind him. He inhaled slowly, catching the signature (and all-familiar) scent of the other person in the large space. From the strength, he reckoned that the other wizard was only around two or three metres away from him; Remus, being a werewolf, had always had better senses than Muggles or wizard-kind.

Covertly, Remus breathed in the earthy parfum of his sort-of-ex and took comfort in it for a moment. The combined mixture of wet grass, expensive Muggle cologne, dog and something distinctively Sirius assaulted his senses, and he waited for the Animagus to make the first move.

"Moony," Sirius began quietly, speaking to Remus' back. "What are you doing?"

Remus frowned to himself and stared unseeingly at the tapestry in front of him, wondering how on Earth he was going to explain himself. To him, Sirius sounded exasperated but Remus honestly thought that **he** had more of a reason to be tired and annoyed.

After all, Sirius wasn't the one who had to endure such childish feelings like jealousy. It was Remus who had to watch Sirius flounce about with Ankou fucking Carlson. Remus was the one who had to watch Sirius smile and laugh and flirt with the, admittedly handsome, Hufflepuff – with his perfectly coiffed auburn hair and sparkling baby blue eyes and flawless, unmarred skin.

Sirius was actually having a dandy time, as far as Remus was concerned. Sirius was doing just fine, flirting with his new handsome Hufflepuff. The Animagus didn't even seem to remember that they had been sort-of together. Sirius didn't seem to remember the moments they had shared together – the stolen kisses and reciprocal climaxes and intimate midnight conversations – before their sort-of break-up.

Admittedly, Remus knew he had no reason to be upset. The break-up had been of his own doing, after all. In fact, Sirius had originally protested against it. But Remus had insisted, saying that he needed time to figure himself out. Because, the truth was, he **did** need time to figure things out, and he had needed to be alone to do that. He was confused and he hadn't wanted to drag Sirius through his shit with him. He didn't want Sirius to get hurt.

At the time, Remus had been going through a lot – with his mum's illness, and his fluctuating sexuality, and his future and schoolwork – and he didn't want to drag Sirius through his turmoil. In his opinion, the Animagus had been through enough; Sirius didn't need to deal with his shit as well.

Ultimately, Remus had just wanted to protect Sirius. From what, he didn't know. Himself, maybe? All Remus had wanted to do was keep Sirius safe and unhurt. Because, whether he admitted it or not, he was falling for the other Gryffindor.

It scared him, truth be told – the intensity of his feelings towards Sirius. He was terrified of how he felt and he was terribly confused. He wasn't even sure if he liked men or women or both. His mind had been in disarray and all he had wanted to do was protect Sirius from the inevitable pain that he knew he was going to bring.

The fact that he was falling hard and fast for Sirius had added to the confusion and impending feeling he felt. He **knew** that one or both of them was going to get hurt. He just hadn't expected himself to do the hurting as well as be the hurt.

At the time, Remus had done the only thing he could think of – something that defied everything about being a Gryffindor: he ran. Figuratively, of course. He had stopped their...whatever it was, and they had tried to continue as before. But it had been rather difficult to do that, Remus had found – continuing as if nothing had changed between them.

"You wanted this, Remus," Sirius said once the silence between them grew too heavy. "You wanted us to... You wanted... **things**...between us to end. You said that you needed time to sort your shit out and that things might not be the same. You said that friendship was better. I'm only doing what you told me to do—"

Remus frowned and spun around to face Sirius for the first time since the Animagus had entered the hallway. "I didn't want this," he denied quickly, his eyes turning downcast to the floor space between him and Sirius.

"Then what do you want?" Sirius countered, his grey eyes narrowing as he watched Remus. "Because you can't keep doing this; **I** can't keep doing this." He paused and took a step forward. "I've tried, Remus. Honestly, I have tried to be how we were before this," he waved a hand between them, "back when we were just Padfoot and Moony."

Pausing again, he took another step forward.

"I have tried not to pay attention or feel angry when I see you flirt with Vance or any of the other lasses, but it's hard, Moony. It's hard and I've tried to move on – I have. But I can't when we are stuck in this loop."

He searched Remus' face but Remus made a conscious effort to keep his face controlled and his eyes focused on the minimal floor space between them.

"I don't know you want from me, Remus," Sirius finished tiredly. "What do you want?"

"I..." Remus looked up and stared at Sirius, shrugging helplessly as he floundered. "I-I... I don't know!" he blurted loudly, before he pulled back his composure. He waited until his voice stopped echoing around the claustrophobic space before he spoke again. "Sorry," he muttered the apology; he levelled his voice and looked at Sirius calmly. "I don't know, okay? I don't know what I want but I don't want this..."

Tumultuous grey eyes narrowed and studied the werewolf carefully as Sirius nodded and worried his lip thoughtfully.

"So..." Sirius sniffed and took another step closer to Remus, still watching him closely. "Where do we go from here?"

Remus suddenly realised how close Sirius was, more or less a couple of feet away – close enough that Remus could see the silver splinters in his grey irises and smell the oddly tantalising vanilla-mint hybrid shampoo he used.

Remus shook his head helplessly. "I don't know." He swallowed and watched Sirius through doleful eyes. "I still don't know what I want, Sirius. I can't...I can't drag you through that. But it's unfair of me to do this to you as well. I know that." He exhaled sharply and took a step back. "I shouldn't feel like this. I broke it off with you, right? I don't get to feel...jealous and...sad, right?"

Sirius huffed a mirthless laugh and took a step forward, replacing the foot or so of distance between them.

"Remus, just because you called things off, it doesn't mean that you shouldn't feel...however it is you're feeling. You have every right to feel how you do," he said, his voice oddly gentle for the usually rambunctious Marauder. "You needed time away. That didn't mean that you felt okay about ending things." A pause before, "How are you now?"

Remus shrugged faintly and watched Sirius, wondering when on Earth the Animagus became the calm, collected, patient one. When had they switched roles?

"Fine, I suppose," he answered.

Sirius nodded. "And? Did you answer all of your questions?"

Remus shook his head solemnly. "No. Not really. I'm still as confused as I was two months ago... I did get an answer to one question, though."

"And that was?" Sirius asked tentatively.

"Could I do this without you?"

"And...?" he asked, his voice sounding hesitant and – to Remus' ears – hopeful.

Remus huffed a humourless laugh and shook his head again. "It was never really a question I should have asked, was it? I know I couldn't."

Sirius shuffled another tentative step forward and looked Remus in the eye. "Remus, I know you're confused. I know you're going through something and you need space to sort it all out."

The ex-Black paused and moved closer to Remus, leaving barely a sheet of paper's gap between them, effectively closing the space between them. His hands moved of their own accord, one coming up to rest lightly on Remus' shoulder while the other moved around to rest on the nape of Remus' neck.

Remus felt Sirius' fingers card through his hair and he closed his eyes as bittersweet memories flooded him. It was something Sirius had done when they had been together, and it reminded Remus of late night excursions and cupboard kisses and intense conversations. It was delightfully soothing, but it evoked heavy emotions in him.

"Moony," Sirius murmured, and Remus opened his eyes; stormy grey latched onto troubled hazel-amber. "You're still one of my best mates. I want to be there for you. I think, if you gave it a chance, this could be something amazing. But I understand that you need time. So, if you want, I'll wait. I'll wait for you to decide what you want. I'll wait until you've sorted everything out."

"I can't ask that of you, Sirius," Remus mumbled. "I **won't** ask that of you. It's too much."

Grey eyes moved to the hand resting on Remus' shoulder, thumb moving in slow soothing circles, as Sirius worried his lip.

"You don't need to ask, Moony. I'll do it for you anyway, because...I-I..." He paused and furrowed his brow, debating his next words. "I'll do it because I love you, Remus."

Everything froze. With that one phrase, Remus stopped thinking. He stopped worrying and his confusion, albeit temporarily, evaporated. His heart stammered against his ribcage, urging him to return the words. But he couldn't. Not yet, at least. He still had things he needed to sort out. He couldn't return those words until he had his life and mind sorted out; not until he was worthy of such love.

"And I want to be there for you," Sirius continued, unaware of Remus' inner monologue. His second set of words brought Remus back to reality. Sirius looked back at Remus, catching the werewolf's eyes again. "So, I will wait. I don't mind waiting. But...just don't push me away, Remus."

Remus licked his lips – more out of nervous habit than actual intent – and nodded. He didn't want Sirius to put his life on hold for a **possible** chance at something happening between them, but the fact that Sirius had offered made all the difference.

And, he knew that Sirius would wait regardless of whether he had Remus' permission or not. Remus knew that when Sirius loved, he loved hard and with all of his heart. Sirius would wait for as long as there was a chance with him – however small it was. And that thought gave Remus hope.

"Okay," he replied before he was pulled into a tight embrace.

"I've got you, Moony," Sirius promised into his shoulder. "We'll get through this."

* * *

 **NOTE: this story is posted separately as well.  
**  
 **Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed it! =)**


	8. Sirius B

**I wish that just for one day, everyone would say** **exactly ****what they wanted to say. – 21/29.01.17**

Alcohol-blown grey eyes stared up at the vast star-filled sky, admiring the beauty of the dark twinkling expanse.

From his old room, in Grimmauld Place, he couldn't see the stars. The Muggle London traffic fumigated the atmosphere too much and the stars just could not be seen – in neither Muggle nor Wizarding London. After he had moved in with the Potters, the stars could be seen a little more, but it just wasn't the same as sitting under the night sky at Hogwarts.

He often wondered if the stark clarity of the little specks had something to do with how far up in the UK they were. The Scottish night sky always seemed clearer, and the island that Hogwarts perched up was secluded – completely hidden away from any outside civilisation who didn't know of its location or existence.

He reckoned that the spectacular view was so crystalline because there were no fumes to sully up the sky and hide the magnificent universe from his eyes.

Sirius Black brought the bottle to his lips and took a sip without flinching. He had been drinking the sharp alcohol long enough that night that he no longer felt the burn of it. If he took long enough gulps, though, he could feel something.

Under the night sky, the four Marauders sat under their usual tree by the Black Lake, heating charms on the ground and thick robes wrapped around them to keep them warm. The copious amounts of alcohol that had been consumed that evening contributed in their endeavours to keep warm.

October in Scotland was freezing but none of the Gryffindors care, too drunk to notice. Their apathy towards the temperature also stemmed from the fact that the quartet just wanted to get sloshed by the Lake like old times.

Like times before James Potter was Head Boy and had responsibilities; before NEWTs preparations overtook their lives, and the realities of impending adulthood loomed over them, affecting everything they did. Like times before the growing War outside of the castle walls got serious.

It was an odd atmosphere surrounding the Gryffindors that evening; one of nostalgia, but also of pensiveness.

A few days before, they (along with the rest of the students) had been informed that a classmate of theirs – Allana Middlemass, a Muggle-born Hufflepuff of the same year – had been hospitalised by the insane group that were the 'Death Eaters' and would not be returning to Hogwarts. Hogsmeade trips had been cancelled until the Auror squad showed up to protect the village.

Furrowing his brow contemplatively, Sirius took a long gulp of his _Blishen's Firewhisky_. He didn't like how severe it was all becoming. It was getting absolutely mad out there – outside the safety of the school walls.

Middlemass hadn't even left school yet – none of them had – and she had already become a casualty of war. It was unfair; indisputably inequitable. The Hufflepuff, from what Sirius recalled, was a kind person. She had helped him during their fourth year Herbology project and she always had a bright smile plastered on her face. That was the thing he remembered most about the blonde: her smile, radiant and pure.

With recent perilous events, Sirius was beginning to feel worried. The War was getting extreme, he realised, and he knew he had to fight; he couldn't turn his back on it, not when his friends and the people he loved were in danger. He and his friends had already agreed on it – to join a secret organisation: The Order of the Phoenix.

Unfortunately, they couldn't join the fight until after they had graduated. So, until then and until they had to fight in the War, Sirius had decided that he would enjoy the last moments of his childhood. He would make the most of his friends and the safety he had.

Sirius was determined that he would enjoy his remaining months at Hogwarts and that he would study hard as well. After all, when the War ended and they won (and they definitely would because they had Albus Dumbledore on their side), he wanted to have some qualifications; a chance at a career and a future. He didn't want to be lazing about his flat all of the time, waiting to see his mates.

Deciding that he wanted to enjoy their time left as well as take their minds off the loss of their classmate, Sirius had suggested a drink _'like old times'_. It hadn't taken much more than that to convince the other three Marauders.

They had left just before curfew and had been drinking by the lake for approximately four hours, Sirius guessed. They had toasted to the Hufflepuff that none of them really knew, but knew well enough, and drank, slowly growing less sad and worried, and more happy and jovial.

They had sat by the lake for hours, just talking and messing about and laughing. It felt good to feel normal again and Sirius felt a pang of happiness that he hadn't felt in a long while.

Recently, the group had launched into a companionable silence since Peter had passed out after his third bottle and Remus looked to be on his way to lulling off to sleep as well. James had been scarily quiet, and Sirius had spent the silence looking up at the stars, feeling content and thinking.

"You know, if you make a wish on a star, 'pparently it comes true."

Sirius snorted doubtfully and moved to lean on his elbows as he looked over at his best mate and brother of the past seven years. He stared at the stag Animagus, one eyebrow raised. "Yeah?" he asked. "And who told you that? Evans?"

James frowned and looked over, glasses askew. "Maybe," he muttered. "'s'not that stupid, though, is it?"

Sirius shrugged and lay back down. "Sounds pretty stupid," he murmured under his breath.

"What?"

"Nothing," he replied quickly.

"Well, I'm going to try it," James said defiantly, his voice only slightly slurred. He sat up and peered up at the sky, looking for the right star. "Right, that one," he decided sternly, pointing at a star that Sirius couldn't possibly guess to be from where he was. "I'm going to make a wishh on **that** star and if it doesn' come true, 's'all bullshit. But, if it does, then you have to ap-pologise for whatever it was we were just arguin' about."

Sirius snorted again, this time with laughter, and leaned up on his elbows again. "Fine," he replied.

"Okay," James nodded and squinted up at the star.

Sirius could see the night sky reflect in James' glasses and he smiled contentedly; the stars always made him feel happy.

"Just out of curiosity," he said, gaining James' attention. "Will you be saying this wish out loud?"

James frowned, confused. "I don't know… Am I meant to?"

Sirius shrugged. "If you don't, how will the star know what you wished for?" he encouraged, desperate to know what James was going to wish for, and ready to mock.

"Good point," James murmured thoughtfully before he looked back at the star. "Star," he addressed the star directly, making Sirius snicker, "I wish that… Lily Evans falls in love with me this year." He nodded to himself, clearly satisfied, and lay back down. "There. You'll see. It's not bullshit or superstition. It's true."

Sirius scoffed and nodded. "Sure," he said, lying back down too.

He looked to his left where Remus lay, surreptitiously watching him. Sirius raised an amused eyebrow and smirked. Remus, upon realising he had been caught, hurriedly looked away, a faint moonlit blush rising on his cheeks. The werewolf looked around inconspicuously, and Sirius continued to watch in amusement.

Remus always stared at him (covertly or not), and Sirius knew exactly why.

He had thought he was wrong at first; that his ideas and theories were idealistic and ludicrous. Of course, that was until he had caught Remus staring at him after he had gotten out of the shower. From then on, it had been glaringly obvious and Sirius had payed very close attention to the werewolf.

Sirius had discovered, after weeks of covert investigating, that he was right: Remus Lupin, the aloof and extraordinarily mild-mannered werewolf, fancied him.

What Remus didn't know, though, was that Sirius felt the same.

The Animagus had been attracted to Remus practically from the start. Only, when he was eleven, he hadn't realised what those feelings meant. Over time, his adulation for the werewolf had grown and transformed into something deeper, and Sirius could safely say that he fancied the fuck out of Remus John Lupin.

He couldn't, however, say **why** he fancied Remus an unbelievable amount.

Remus wasn't classically handsome – to Sirius he was beautiful, but he understood that others didn't see Remus like he did; to everyone else, the werewolf had the sort of looks that you bypassed unless you looked closely or gave a second glance. His beauty was subtle, and Sirius couldn't quite put his finger on it, but sometimes he couldn't take his eyes away from Remus.

Sirius had spent hours – and those hours, he reckoned, quite possibly added together to make days, if not weeks – thinking about Remus and why he liked him. In the end, he came up with no conclusive reason and put it down the wizard himself.

Remus Lupin was aloof, sarcastic, intelligent, brave, witty, hilarious, handsome in his own way, charming when he wanted to be, and he could make even Sirius blush if he so wished. And to top it all off, Remus was strong, tall and damaged.

Sirius liked strong people – mentally, yes, but physically too. He liked people that could pick him up with ease, and he secretly liked that Remus was just that little bit taller than him. Plus, he could relate to Remus. He could relate to the damaged side of the werewolf – the side that harboured dark secrets and horrid nightmares caused by his lycanthropy.

Whenever either of them had their night terrors (Sirius' caused by his family and Remus' by his condition), they always came together. Subconsciously, they just knew. They would wake up and go out to the secret balcony to find the other. Sometimes they talked, sometimes they just sat in silence, relaxing in one another's company. Either way, the other's company always helped.

Sirius couldn't find a **singular** reason as to why he was fascinated by Remus. He just found the werewolf alluring for some reason, and he knew it had nothing to do with the werewolf pheromones – he wasn't affected by them, being an Animagus.

"What about you, Moony?" he asked. "You believe in that nonsense?"

"Not particularly," Remus replied, slurring on the second word. "But it's a nice thought."

Sirius hummed. "What would you wish for?" he asked curiously.

Remus shrugged. "I don't know," he answered, looking up at the stars. "To be able to talk?"

Sirius frowned perplexedly. "Moony," he began slowly, "I don't know if you know this, but you were just talking."

Remus rolled his eyes and looked back at Sirius. "Not that way, y'idiot," he muttered, his words holding no bite to them. "I meant the way Prongs does."

"What?" James asked, tuning into the conversation. "What 'bout me?"

"I mean..." Remus shrugged helplessly and sighed as he looked back at the sky. "You talk so **freely** ; so without fear, you know? You can just say how you feel without any trouble. 's admirable."

Sirius watched Remus and carefully asked, "You can't do that?"

Remus shook his head. "Nope. I always overthink it and end up stumbling over my words or just bottling out of saying anything at all," he mumbled. "I'd probably wish that I could just tell people how I feel. Because I-I feel a lot, you know? Too much, perhaps. And it all s-stays inside for the Wolf to tear out. For once, I'd just like to be able to speak freely without the fear of getting hurt or judged or r-rejected."

"You just spoke freely then," James pointed out.

"Yes, but in case you hadn't noticed, I'm hammered," Remus retorted. "I can't get drunk every day just so I can say, _'hey, I love you'_ or _'you know what, Lockhart, you're kind of a dick'_."

Sirius watched Remus closely as James asked, "Who would you say _'I love you'_ to?"

"I, uh, I-I… It was an example," Remus stammered.

Sirius stared at Remus for a long moment, seeing pink grow in his cheeks. He was unsure of what the cause was – whether it was the nippy weather, the alcohol, or his confession.

"We should head back," Remus said, standing up swiftly and dusting himself off. "Before someone sees us. Plus, we've got the Ravenclaw-Slytherin match tomorrow."

James grunted in agreement and stood up, stumbling slightly. "Alright. Help me get this lump up," he said, looking down at Peter.

Remus chuckled and stepped over Sirius to help James pick up a still-snoozing Peter. Sirius stood up sedately, capping his bottle again – they could drink that the next time they wanted to get drunk. He placed the bottle carefully in the ever-growing satchel and moved to pick up his other discarded bottles. Once Peter was plucked up, Remus and James began their inebriated trek back up to the castle. They stopped short when they realised Sirius wasn't following.

"You coming?" James bellowed across the three or so metres of distance; Sirius was astonished that it hadn't woken Peter up.

"Yeah," he replied calmly, seeing no need to shout – he could literally walk about ten strides and be at their side. "I'm just collecting the bottles. Can't have evidence lying around, after all."

"Do you want us to wait?" Remus asked.

Sirius shook his head. "I'll catch up," he assured.

James nodded and they began their slow intoxicated stagger back up to the castle. Sirius watched them for a moment, inwardly grumbling at the fact that robes covered Remus' quite immaculate arse, before he returned to tidying up, depositing empty bottles into the satchel.

He sighed and looked up at the night sky, wondering if it really was bullshit or if it was worth a shot.

Biting his lip, he glanced behind him. He reckoned the other three were far enough away not to hear him. Shaking his head at what he was about to do, he turned back and searched the sky for his star. He spotted Sirius B, large and bright, and stared for a moment, debating whether to try.

Sighing again, he figured: _Why not?_ Either it would work and he would get his wish, or it wouldn't work and he would have been right.

He picked up the final bottle and shoved it in the satchel before he flung it over his shoulder and searched the sky again. Shaking his head again at his incongruous behaviour, he inhaled and concentrated on the star. He stared for a short moment before he said:

"I wish that just for one day, everyone would say **exactly** what they wanted to say."

With that, he stayed for another moment, wondering if maybe he should wait for a sign that the star had heard; for it to twinkle brightly or for some random angel to appear or something.

Nothing happened.

Mildly disappointed, Sirius turned around and began jogging after his friends, quickly catching up with them.

* * *

Grey eyes opened slowly to stare at crimson bed curtains. Sirius frowned, wondering why he felt so completely rested. Then he remembered the night before.

He remembered the alcohol and laughs, the joking around and teasing, and he remembered the four of them getting back to the dorm and each falling into their respective beds sleepily. He recalled taking the hangover and hydration potions – at Remus' insistence – before he promptly fell into a deep slumber.

Yawning, Sirius lay in his bed on his front, the side of his face mushed into the plump pillow, and wondered at the time. It couldn't be too late, he reckoned, because he could hear no other noise apart from the snores from the direction of Peter's bed – which meant that James was still asleep as well.

Sirius shifted and fell back onto his mattress, frowning up at the red canopy. He had an odd, rather indescribable feeling deep in his gut. It was a niggling feeling; one that told him that the day would be memorable – instrumental to the people of Hogwarts.

Deciding to ignore it, he reached out through a gap in his curtains and grabbed his Muggle timepiece (the one Lily had given him for sixth year Christmas Secret Santa). 9:36(AM), it read. Or at least he hoped it was AM; he was guessing that part.

As the seconds hand ticked by, Sirius realised that, despite Remus' lack of being a morning person, the werewolf was usually awake early. By that logic, Sirius came to the conclusion that Remus was already awake and most likely waiting in the common room for them to wake, like every Saturday.

Suddenly, Sirius flung his curtains open and marched to the bathroom to take a piss. While he stood there, power-pissing and heaving a relieved sigh, that odd feeling descended upon him again.

In his chest, his heart hammered a staccato rhythm against his ribcage, and his fingers felt semi-numb and tingly. Absently, he wondered if perhaps he was coming down with something. Swallowing the feeling down again, Sirius ignored the physical aspects as best he could and began getting ready, waking the others up as well.

* * *

Saturday morning started off as any other match day at Hogwarts. The Great Hall was filled with students and staff; loud chatter and excitement clouded the air.

The Marauders sat with Lily and her friends, eating breakfast and conversing amicably. The group talked and joked around, but it didn't stop the odd sensation Sirius felt deep down. Something was definitely different, he mused.

Scanning the Great Hall's population, Sirius noticed that the students (and some teachers) were all acting very peculiar. People who had been friends for years were sharing awkward looks or glares while others were sharing gooey eyes with each other. Wary looks were being passed around, and some people seemed to be blurting random things for no reason at all, promoting guffaws and gasps from certain friendship groups.

It was all a bit suspicious to Sirius.

He devoutly ignored it all, though, and immersed himself in the chatter of his own friends.

* * *

"I don't understand you, sometimes."

Sirius frowned and looked up from his Arithmancy essay, staring across the table at the shortest Marauder.

He had gone to the library to finish his essay before the RVS Quidditch match and had asked Remus to accompany him but the werewolf had politely refused, having already completed his. He also had to go and see Professor Dumbledore about something. Sirius didn't ask what; Remus would have told them if it was serious. He didn't mind so much – he didn't **really** need Remus' help; he had just been hoping to spend some time alone with his favourite werewolf.

He had offered for James and Peter to join him but James had said that he needed to go with Remus and Lily for some Prefect/Head Boy meeting. Peter had agreed, though, stating that he had to start his Herbology homework. Sirius had agreed to the companionship, having not spent time alone with Peter in a while.

"Sorry?" Sirius asked, utterly confused.

Blue eyes met his as Peter examined him from across the table. "I said," he repeated calmly, "I don't understand you sometimes. I mean, I don't understand people in general – I never have; but, I don't understand **you** most of all."

Sirius silently stared at Peter. He felt like he should be offended, but he didn't understand why he felt that way. "What do you mean?"

"Why do you do it?"

"Do what?" Sirius asked, defensive and a little bit agitated.

"Hide yourself," Peter replied.

The rat Animagus sat forward and leaned in to study Sirius closer, a small frown etched upon his face. Sirius felt slightly self-conscious under the intrusive gaze and found he was glad that a table separated them.

"You're always hiding," Peter continued. "And I don't know why. You could **literally** have anyone you wanted. All you'd have to do was flash that grin and say something – literally anything – and you'd have people on their knees."

Sirius sat back and watched his friend carefully. Something strange was definitely going on, he decided. Peter was never one to voice such opinions, content to observe rather than report.

"You have people around here falling at your feet already, but you just…don't bother," Peter carried on. "I just don't understand it. If I had half your charisma or even a third of your looks, I'd be taking every opportunity I could." He shrugged and sat back, his face judging. "I just don't know why you're wasting your time on Remus."

Sirius' eyes widened a fraction and his breathing system temporarily shut down. "What?" he managed to choke out.

"Padfoot, it's obvious. There's something with you and Remus; you obviously fancy each other. I just don't know why."

Sirius swallowed, not understanding Peter's sudden brash opinions. "Pete, what—?"

"Why do you like him?" Peter interrupted. "Honestly. I mean, you could have literally anyone you wanted. So, why him?"

"Sorry?" Sirius questioned, unsure why he should defend his affections.

"No offence, and I love Remus to bits, but why do you want **him**? There're so many people out there, Sirius. What's so special about him?"

"I… Pete, what's gotten into you?"

Peter shrugged carelessly. "Nothing. I was just wondering." Sirius shook his head incredulously. "So? Why do you like him?"

Sirius shrugged. "I…I don't know. I just do."

Peter nodded. "So, why don't you just go for it, then? If you fancy him so much, I don't understand why you don't just go for it. He obviously likes you back. Why're you two dancing around each other? Just go for it."

Sirius sat still and stared at Peter. He didn't know what to do. Peter had just spoken his mind – to Sirius of all people. Typically, Sirius wasn't the person people went to when they wanted to share things (with the exceptions of James and Remus). Unknowing of what to do, the Pureblood turned back to his essay. He noticed Peter return to his work, too. Within minutes, they were finished and packing away.

"We should go," Peter said. "The game'll be starting soon."

Sirius nodded and they left the library, Sirius watching the rat Animagus the whole way and wondering what had come over him.

* * *

More strange things happened that morning. On the way to the match, Sirius overheard all kinds of confessions: one person admitted to faking their orgasms, another admitted that they had a severe crush on a fictional character. Someone stated that looking at Greek sculpture made them feel at peace, while another confessed that they wanted to have sex with a Muggle to _'see if it was any different'_.

Walking past Marlene McKinnon and Dorcas Meadowes (two of Lily's crew and Gryffindors in their year), he overheard a very cringeworthy conversation:

 _"Marls," Dorcas had said. "I fancy you. I have since second year. I'm always thinking about you, and you're my first thought in the morning. I thought it was time you knew."_

 _"Dee," Marlene had replied, sounding terribly sorrowful. "You know I don't like girls. I'm sorry..."_

He had tuned out then, no longer wanting to delve into their private affairs. He reckoned that Lily's friendship group was about to get awkward, though.

Once the Gryffindors had made it to the stands and the game started, something else odd, confusing, and hilarious (to some) happened to the stadium crowds. The commentator for the game – a supposedly impartial Hufflepuff – had said something on the mic that had echoed around the stadium making most of the students and some teachers burst into laughter. Professor Flitwick hadn't been amused, however, and had issued Jones with a warning.

After a block by Slytherin, halfway through the game, Jones had stated:

"Talkalot blocks the goal! Routing for you, Lu, and your team because we've got a date next weekend! Sorry I told everyone! She passes to Rosier, he passes to..."

James and Sirius looked at each other for a confused moment before they burst into gales of laughter along with the rest of the Hogwarts population.

"What the fuck?" James guffawed.

Sirius shrugged and snorted as Jones carried on with his commentary as if he hadn't just shared his dating history (or future) with everyone. The Quidditch match carried on as normal and lasted another two hours before Ravenclaw caught the Snitch and brought the game to an end.

* * *

By lunchtime, things around Hogwarts seemed to be even more awkward than they had been that morning. More lovey-dovey displays were put on but other sections of tables sat in awkward silence.

Sat at the Gryffindor table, Sirius felt extremely uncomfortable, as if he was intruding on a very private moment. Unfortunately, he couldn't escape. He had tried, but his wrist had been gripped tight and he had been pulled back to his seat, forced to stay and be a spectator to their conversation.

On his left sat James and on his right, Lily. Sirius honestly didn't know why they chose to sit like that; usually the Heads sat next to each other but Lily, the confusing woman that she was, had decided to sit next to him. And because of this odd decision of hers, he was forced to sit between them and listen to their intimate conversation; one that had started because James, the idiot that he was, had asked Lily on a date.

Sirius looked across the table to where Remus and Peter sat, but they couldn't help him. Not now.

"James," Lily said, green eyes boring into James' as she leaned over Sirius, "I like you," she repeated. "A lot. But…I'm scared. I'm worried that, once you get me, the novelty will wear off and you'll realised that I'm not who you thought I was. You think I'm amazing," she laughed mirthlessly, "but I'm not. I'm not, James. I am very **average**."

The only consolation Sirius had was that he was not the only witness to the deep conversation of Lily's hopes and fears; Remus and Peter (and many surrounding Gryffindors) were also watching, unable to find a topic to distract themselves.

James shook his head ardently. "You're anything but average, Lily. You're extraordinary."

Lily scoffed. "James, that's your idealised version of me," she persisted. "I am **not** that girl. And, I know that you're the type of person that could easily break my heart. And you will, once you realise I'm not her. That's what I can't do this."

James shook his head and leaned across Sirius, staring imploringly into Lily's eyes. Sirius leaned back, feeling they were both way too close to him.

"Lily, I promise you, I know you are amazing," James insisted. "You're not perfect – even I know that. But to me, you are. Lily, I know you more than you know yourself. I spend more time studying you than anyone! In a non-creepy way, I mean," he added quickly.

He sighed. "Look, I know that you miss Snape sometimes. I know that you sometimes envy Marlene, and that you feel like you don't fit in – at home or here. I know that you love Quidditch and you secretly find our pranks funny. I know that you like me too, and I know you think I have this odd perception of you, but I don't. Lily, I **know** you. If you give me a chance, I'll prove to you that I want **you**. Not some imaginary girl you think I've created."

Lily looked distressed. "James, I want to…"

"Then do it. Why bother pretending? Out there, the War, it's crazy. I figure it's best to take every opportunity we can get."

Lily stared at him for a long moment before she nodded. "Okay. But I'm telling you, you've got this wrong."

"And I'm telling you I haven't," James grinned before he leaned in a little more and pecked Lily on the lips. Startled, Lily pulled back before she dived back in.

"Nope," Sirius mumbled, very uncomfortable with having two people snog over him.

Enough was enough.

Pushing away from the table, Sirius fell and landed on his back on the solid stone ground. The pain was worth it, though, to not be stuck in the middle of that. He climbed off of the bench, rolled over and swiftly stood up. As he stood up, he looked at the redhead and the Pureblood, grimacing slightly as their kissing had quickly developed into snogging.

"Nope," he muttered again before he escaped the Great Hall without having any food.

* * *

Hidden away in the Kitchens, Sirius sat and munched on the food the House-Elves had kindly provided him. He had practically avoided everyone since lunch; the morning and lunchtime had been enough annoyance for him to avoid people for the rest of the day.

Everyone was acting weird – admitting things and making the general ambience just plain weird.

So, Sirius had spent the rest of Saturday avoiding everyone – friends included. He had spent the afternoon hiding in the dorm, reading and exercising. When dinnertime had arrived, he had gone wandering around the school.

Eventually, he grew hungry – having not had lunch thanks to James and Lily and their personal feelings and lips. Instead of going into the Great Hall where people would be, Sirius had headed to the Kitchens, knowing that no one would bother him with admissions there.

As Sirius munched on a delicious ham sandwich, he couldn't help but feel that his strange day had something to do with the previous night. More specifically that it was all related to the damned star. His wish on the star had been complete hippogriffshit, but he still had the niggling feeling that everything that had happened that day could be attributed to it.

Sirius sighed. He needed to investigate, he decided. Snorting at his own ridiculous behaviour, he shoved a sandwich in his pocket with a muttered _'Thanks'_ and left the Kitchens. He marched out of the castle, down to the Black Lake and sat under the tree, waiting for Sirius the Star to appear.

Grey eyes peered up at the rapidly darkening sky, not knowing what exactly he expected to happen. What was he going to do, honestly? Confront the burning gas ball? What would even happen? It would twinkle, possibly talk back? Unlikely, Sirius thought. Still, though, he had the strange feeling that he needed to see it to find his answer.

Darkness fell quickly and Sirius could see Sirius. He stared at it for a long while, wondering what to do. He wasn't alone in the dark for long before he smelled rather than heard Remus come up behind him. Since becoming an Animagus, Sirius found his senses – specifically smell – had heightened considerably.

"Hi, Moony," he greeted, eyes affixed to the star.

"Evening," Remus returned. "May I?" Sirius waved at the empty space beside him, eyes on the star, and Remus sat down. "So…" Remus said after a moment of silence. "What are you doing?"

"Looking for answers," Sirius replied.

"Answers…"

"People have been acting weird today, Moony. I swear they have. You saw Prongs and Lily at lunch. So, I'm just…" He shrugged helplessly. "Trying to find answers."

From his periphery vision, Sirius saw Remus nod and look up at the sky.

"I understand," Remus murmured, eyes on the star as well. "Is Sirius the one you wished on?"

"Hm?"

"I heard what you said," Remus explained. "Last night. I heard what you wished for." Sirius slowly turned away from the star, eyes wide as his gaze moved to Remus. "I didn't mean to," Remus was quick to add, "But, werewolf and all that. I don't think James heard, though."

Sirius nodded jerkily and looked back up at the sky, feeling heat crawl up his neck at being caught doing something so stupid. "Yes," he answered Remus' earlier question.

"It was a nice wish: _'I wish everyone would say exactly what they wanted to say'_ ," he paraphrased.

Sirius nodded and hummed, definitely blushing – he was glad it was dark.

"Pads, I have to tell you something."

Sirius swallowed. "Okay…"

A pause before, "I love you, you know," he said, making Sirius tear his eyes from the star.

Stormy grey stared at Remus' profile for a long while before he replied, unsure he had heard correctly, "Sorry?"

Remus swallowed and turned to look him dead in the eye. Sirius could see an internal battle happening behind hazel-amber; Remus was having trouble speaking but he eventually managed to choke out, "I-I love you."

Sirius inhaled slowly and nodded faintly. "I love you, too, Moony," he returned, deciding to play ignorant. "We're best mates."

The werewolf frowned and shook his head lightly. "No, Sirius, I don't think you understand. I **love** you."

Sirius stared back blankly, desperately wanting to know if Remus meant it the way he wanted but not wanting to say anything in case he was wrong.

Remus sighed. "Please don't make me try to explain it any further. I don't know how to."

Sirius frowned, feigning confusion. "Moony, I'm sorry. I don't understand."

Remus huffed. "Fuck, Sirius," he growled. "I'm **in love** with you," he said, glaring at Sirius for making him elaborate. "I want to…to date you and kiss you and…fuck you. And I want you to fuck me."

Sirius' eyebrows rose at Remus' unusual bluntness; he quite liked it, truth be told. He hid his smile and kept his face blank. Remus was speaking freely, he realised, and he was not about to ruin that for his werewolf. Remus closed his eyes and calmed himself down, taking in and releasing deep breaths. Once his breathing returned to normal, he opened his eyes and watched Sirius again.

"Sirius, I want you," he continued quietly. "I want to make you happy. Because, I know sometimes you aren't. And I don't know why, but I **want** to know why. So I can stop it."

Sirius swallowed thickly and stared at Remus, feeling his words hit home. He had thought that he had been good at hiding it, but apparently not. Then again, Remus had always been perceptive.

"I want to brush your hair back and look at you without looking like a weirdo or fear getting caught. I want you to love me back, and I don't want to be scared anymore." He ran a hand through his hair and looked out at the night sky. "Sirius, I want you to be happy because I love you – and you know I don't say things lightly."

He looked at Sirius again.

"Sometimes," he said, a pained look crossing his face, as if it hurt to admit all of this. He swallowed and persevered. "Sometimes, I love you so much that it hurts; physically **hurts**. Sometimes…just **looking** at you hurts, because I feel like my heart is going to explode out of my chest. When you smile at me, I feel like everything's going to be fine. And when you talk to me, even now, I feel special. I don't understand it. It scares me, to feel like that. **You** scare me."

He shrugged helplessly.

"But I don't care," he carried on honestly. "I don't care that it terrifies me. Because I want you and I've wanted you since I met you – only back then, I never understood it." He cleared his throat. "I understand if you don't feel the same way, if you don't want me back. I just… I wanted to tell you." He shrugged again. "I didn't want to hide it anymore; I've too many secrets."

The werewolf worried his bottom lip attractively and looked at the lake as Sirius observed him, digesting his words. The Animagus could honestly say that he had never heard anything so…true, coming from Remus' mouth. He had never heard Remus speak like that, without inhibitions. He liked it. Remus' words hit him hard and he felt them deep in his bones.

"Remus…" Sirius finally said, still thinking of what to say. "Are you serious?"

Remus frowned and nodded slowly. "Yes," he replied, looking confused at Sirius' question.

Sirius nodded. "Right… Well, I don't know what to say."

Remus' frown deepened and he tentatively looked at Sirius. "Just promise me you don't hate me," he mumbled after a while.

Sirius _almost_ laughed. "I'd never hate you," he answered honestly.

Remus nodded, hazel-amber eyes returning to the stars. Sirius watched Remus for a long moment before he realised what he wanted – what he really wanted to say.

"Kiss me."

Remus snapped his head towards Sirius, the frown still on his face. "What?" he asked sharply.

Sirius smiled. "You heard me," he said. "I want you to kiss me. So, do it. Kiss me."

"I…"

"One chance, Moony. You have one chance to show me how you feel," he said calmly despite his heart racing. "You've said how you feel. Now show me."

For a long, tense moment, Remus just stared.

Then he nodded, and Sirius finally breathed again.

Remus wet his lips, Sirius mirroring his behaviour, and leaned forward a little. Sirius inched forward too and suddenly, they were sharing shallow breaths and staring at each other so closely that Sirius could see the freckles on the bridge of Remus' nose.

He tilted his head to the side, Remus automatically mimicking his behaviour, and waited in anticipation for the werewolf to do as he asked; for him to make the first move and act freely. Remus licked his lips again and consciously moved forward, brushing his lips lightly against Sirius' in a barely-there kiss. Then he pulled back slightly and watched Sirius carefully.

For a tense moment, they just stared at each other before Sirius grinned and moved a brave hand up to grip onto Remus' neck firmly but gently. He pulled Remus in, instigating another kiss and forcing Remus to match him in both enthusiasm and technique.

Soon enough, Remus was lying half on top of him and Sirius' tongue was mapping the werewolf's mouth thoroughly. Remus adjusted himself a bit so that their mouths fit together better, and Sirius momentarily opened his eyes to look up at the sky. He spotted Sirius the Star twinkling brightly in the sky and inwardly thanked it.

Maybe it was all bullshit… But then again, maybe it was true.

Sirius didn't know but what he did know was that it had, in some bizarre way, helped him. The star and his stupid wish had given the students of Hogwarts a chance to speak their minds. Even if it was just for that one day.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed it! =)**


	9. Remarkable

**You are completely remarkable. – 22.01.17**

James Potter tried to swallow around the hard lump that formed in his throat whenever he saw her as he leaned over and stared down in amazement at the half-naked woman lying beneath him.

Lily Evans was gorgeous; a true personification of the words 'elegant' and 'beautiful'. With her school shirt undone and hanging off one shoulder, revealing a freckled arm, her red hair askew, spilling over the crisp white pillow, and her emerald green eyes bright in the dim light of the room, James could honestly say she had never looked more beautiful to him.

In fact, James could honestly say that he had never seen a more beautiful woman in his entire life. Not even Firebella Artineer – the model that he had spent third and fourth year obsessing over – could match up to Miss Lily Evans.

As he gazed down at her small beatific smile and flawless radiant skin that was covered only by a faint smattering of freckles, he still couldn't believe that she was with him. He often felt like it was some sort of surreal dream. Sometimes, he half-expected her to hex him and tell him it was all part of a massive prank. But, as that had yet to happen, he stayed in his blissful oblivion.

Even after five months of courting, James still couldn't believe that he had actually managed to get the redheaded woman to say yes to him. To James, Lily was perfect. She was feisty and fun, intelligent and sexy, mischievous and kinky. Lily Evans was **literally** the woman of his dreams. She could do so much better than him, he knew. But there she was, kissing **his** neck and loving **him**.

James knew he loved her more – he had said the words first, after all; according to studies (Sirius), the person to say those three words first was apparently more emotionally invested in the relationship. He didn't mind, though. He had always known, deep down, that he loved her more. It was just a fact – one that his mates continuously took the piss out of him for; but, as said, he didn't mind. He was a pretty laidback person. Not much affected him. Besides, Lily had voiced the words mere seconds after him. So, he reckoned that she loved him a lot. Just, not as much as he loved her.

Lily pulled away from his neck, her hands gripping his shoulder blades in a way that should have hurt but only served to assure James of how much she wanted him, and moved her lips to his. Her kisses, James found, were intoxicating. They were possessive and loving, taking and giving. He loved the way she kissed.

Her lips tasted of manufactured cherries and they were sort of sticky from her lip-gloss, but if he was truly honest (and he didn't know why he would lie, if asked), he loved having her lip-gloss on him. He felt taken, as if she had ownership over him. He felt as though she was claiming him and leaving her mark there for others to see.

James kissed back eagerly, his lips moulding against hers as if they were made for each other. The thought that, in these moments, Lily wanted him just as much as he wanted her – it always got to him. He knew that, in those moments, he was desired by her. And, whenever they were together, he felt loved. Her need for him made him feel wanted and cherished and not alone.

James pulled back, breathing heavily, and stared down at her. Her lips were searching, her eyes half-lidded. He felt her fingernails dig into his bare back, urging him to continue. Looking at her as he was, he couldn't help but feel that the witch was extraordinary. She was…amazing. He wanted to express that to her because if he couldn't in the throes of passion, when could he?

He looked down at her, into her lust-blown emerald green eyes, and knew he had to tell her. He had planned on telling her that she was the most intoxicating woman he had ever met, but what came out was:

"You are completely remarkable."

Lily frowned and smiled, her general expression showing her confusion at his sudden words. "Thank you?" she replied, her voice tinged with amusement and puzzlement.

James, unknowing of what to say next, just grinned back and leaned in to kiss her. She met him halfway and they kissed languidly for a long while, just touching and slowly stripping. James, all the while, venerated and admired Lily, taking his time to show her just how remarkable he found her to be.

* * *

 **NOTE: This is posted separately as well.**

 **Thank you for reading! Hope you enjoyed it =)  
**


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